Playing hard to get – the standard basic rules

Filed under: Global Issues |

OpinionNigeria-playing-hard-to-get

Let’s face it, most relationships today have little to do with love and everything to do with rules and everyone participates to some degree whether they consciously realize it or not. Playing hard to get is now considered in a very negative light, there is the general assumption and belief that it is deceitful and dishonest. People tend to get very emotional, sensitive and defensive on this topic. That is because it is no longer ‘played’ as it is suppose to be. It is actually an honest game that has now been made into a mendacious affair. Many ladies employ it for dishonorable reasons, some use it for materialistic ends, some for their ego and as such does not matter who is playing with them, they just have to win, and many other reasons that are not the main purpose that is behind the original idea of playing hard to get.

When you think about it carefully, playing hard to get is actually basic common sense, it protects your pride and dignity, it’s about watching out for yourself, protecting your personal boundaries, and demonstrating your value, It’s about being cautious and not letting people anyhow into your life. In the game girls always have more to lose because they tend to make their partner too important without even realizing it, they invest too much of themselves emotionally. While the focus of guys is mostly on the short term, gals usually have their eyes on the long run. So playing hard to get is not just worthwhile, its very necessary if you want to have a quality relationship.

If you carefully look at the relationship scene today you will see that people get bored with new relationships too soon. One of the main reasons that this is happening is that playing hard to get is no longer exercised. Ladies have made the game too easy for the men; there is no challenge, no mystery. The guys get what they want without much effort, challenge or thrills.

And though guys will argue and might even convince themselves that they prefer no games, deep inside that is not the case. Sure they want to have everything effortlessly but they should also realize that easy is not worth it. It is basic human factor to want what we think we cannot have, it’s the scarcity factor that is the principle behind playing hard to get. But for it to be effective it has to be fun on both sides i.e. the guy should enjoy doing the chasing and the lady should enjoy being chased.

So ladies, to play hard to get, you need to know what you want, else you can’t play the game, u will keep confusing yourself and your partner. As such the first thing you should undertake on is don’t ‘play’ hard to get, rather strive to ‘be’ hard to get. There is a difference between the two concepts. See yourself as someone that is hard to get. Change your level of thinking psychologically. If you are the type of person who does not base their self worth on your relationship with guys, then all this will come naturally to you. Also do not make it seem like you playing hard to get, if it is obvious then you have lost already. Most ladies believe and tend to practice ‘playing impossible to get’ which is totally different form ‘playing hard to get.’ And so you need a delicate balance, too much of it makes you look disinterested and too little of it makes you too available, either way has the same results: it does not get you what you want. There are softer and less obvious methods of playing hard to get. The goal is to try and be someone that is approachable and easy to be with but just hard to have for keeps. You should make the experience of knowing you worth the while of the person you are with.

Every girl should have a mystery about her. It is not enough to pique a guy’s interest you have to keep it burning. Always let him take the initiative of contacting you letting him always come to you.

Eagerness can easily be seen as desperation which is never attractive. When asked a question (especially personal questions) be short, sweet and vague and keep him guessing but avoid lying at all costs. Make sure you are always honest. Be confident but not too bold. Be flexible, create distance without going anywhere, and give them what they want but not in a way they expect, keep surprising them.

Allow him to lead the relationship, have the patience to let things happen at his own pace, you might feel frustrated if it is slow but in the long run you will be glad you stood back. Never try to make a guy the centre of your life, have your own independent circle of friends, family, interests, pursuits and other activities. In other words, have a fulfilling life that can stand with or without that person. Have absolutely no expectations on him. In real life men prefer women who are independent and smart, not needy clingy dames that always need rescuing, as we learnt in fairy tales. Guys (the worthy ones) favor ladies that are intellectually stimulating while still being a knock out. Do not act like a brainless idiot by laughing at his every jokes or praising all his ideas. Its cheap. Challenge him from time to time.

Never cancel your plans (either with friends or by yourself) to be with him and do not accept every invitation to spend time with him, it makes you too available. Playing hard to get is all about having the patience to know when to say no and how to say no to a guy. Do not let him always have his way with you, get in the driver’s seat sometimes and never allow yourself to be a push over. You will earn his respect for that and rightly so.

However, I must warn the ladies that there is only so much time to play hard to get before the relationship gets serious and you have to drop the gig. Romantic allure and hide and seek should take the back seat once real feelings enter into the game. So once you’ve got what you want then you put all your secret skills under lock and key. After all, relationships thrive on good communication between the two partners and not games. In the end, playing hard to get is a means to an end and should be used as such. It increases you chances of finding the right person. After all the dating game is not all about the destination, its more about the journey i.e. the shared experiences both good and bad together.

Comments

comments

  • well thot out but me thinks this article holds more sway for the ladies than d guys.u ought to av stated when a guy should back out on the chase when ‘playing hard to get’ turns out to be ‘ hard to get ‘.