The Crooked King and the Faithful Follower(s) -By Niyi Osundare

Again the song:

An f’oye l’oju

An mi Janduku j’oye

A f’oye l’oju*

I know he is a chronic liar

But I love him all the same

He plies his base untruths

With such infectious aplomb

I know he is a blatant racist

A big and blustering bigot

But I am so pleasurably impressed

By his doctrine of hate

I know he is a hopeless crook

But I just cannot resist

The devilry of his deals

His brave contempt for honour

I know he grabs and gropes the women

And tosses them like things for play

But I will gratefully pledge him

(If asked) my one and only daughter

I know he has an ego

Big and boundless like a raging bull

But his emptiness, so imperial,

Fills my pride to a glorious brim

If/When he plunges the world into war

I will be sure to fight for him

When he brings home the tanks of blood

I will drink a cup or two

                   *

I know he smells like sulphur

But his whiff is music to my nose

They say he is rotten and quite insane

But my love for him is quite divine

The shallower his wit

The deeper my praise for him

His widely acknowledged madness

Ensures my sane support

I know he swims in a sea of scandals

With a life jacket riddled with vices

But I live my day and night

To swim – or sink – with him

He is the kind of King

That leaves the throne with mounds of mess

But the more virulent his stench

The sweeter, serener, his imperial airs

He lacks the gift of feeling

And mocks those who bleed

When cut. Behold, therefore,

My hero, cast in stone and steel

I know he hardly smiles

Or relish the juice of a jolly joke

The smile, he knows, is for the meek and weak

Oh praise the sanctity of his scorching scowl

*

Beyond Commonsense,

Beyond Conscience, beyond Compassion

But a fervent executor of our noble Party’s program

God-sent, Fate-favoured, to serve our myriad needs

A walking plague, for sure,

With a dark and criminal contagion

Since the day he cheated his way to power

Copy-Tyrants have spread across the world

Everything he touches

Turns into dust and ashes

But we all adore his ‘Midas Touch’

And his Supremely Stable Genius (SSG)

Allergic to Reason, above Restraint

Reckless Outlaw with imperial disdain

For all that is just, all that is right

Mafia Boss who en-Mobs his nation

He believes in everything he does

That he is far beyond reproach

A god on earth with stolen legs

But we fall on our knees at his grave command

Because of all his virtues

I have pledged my vote for him

Ready as I always am

To follow him to the end of the world.

*

He wraps himself in the national flag

Though he sells that nation short to foreign foes

But who says some help from far and foul

Can hurt the polls a home?

Foul-mouthed and crude, we know he is

With a malicious slur for everyone

But his Twitter tantrums renew our nerves

Roforofo** Ruffian we have come to love

He does what he wants

And lives above the Law

But we hail all his crimes

For he is the Law, the Law is he

For him the wrong is right

The right is always wrong

The line between the two

Is there for the weak and foolishly decent

A worthy scion with a proud pedigree

With Hitler’s demon, and base design

King of clichés and flat-out rants

“Hoax”, “tremendous”, and “beautiful” too

We know he is light in the upstairs region

But we have left all our thinking for him to do

Those who know are afraid to talk

For the next election season is a shout away

* They blinded the world/The day they put a crook on the throne/Oh, they have blinded the world

** Fetid swamp

(C) Niyi Osundare