The heartache of injustice -By Josephine Kalipeni

I happened to be in a small cafe with the news on as the report broke that one of the six officers on trial for the death of Freddie Gray was found not guilty on all accounts. My heart swelled until there was a lump in my throat. Knowing I was in public, I tried to fight back tears as I felt the air get sucked out of the cafe. I lost this fight. My eyes filled with tears and I looked around only to notice a stillness in the cafe as many eyes were on the tv. It was a small comfort to find a diverse group of people in race, gender, and age react with gasps and many with tear-filled eyes.

I currently work in organzing and policy focused on aging and long-term care. I am often the youngest and brownest female in most of the meetings I attend. Doing this work, I am ever aware of the racial environment we are living in. I could tell you some stories of meetings I have been in that would make your jaw drop. It is sometimes such an internal tension for me to fight on the end of work that celebrates the longevity of life while being in an environment where lives are being snuffed out before their time, and environment where I live in fear for my very own brothers. I think about the black men in my life who love their mothers and big mamas so fiercely and so proudly provide them with loving support and care. At times, I see pictures of these relationships and the voids that exist for black families through the deaths or incarcerations or dismissal of black lives, especially black male lives. The threat of being black to over-policed, racist, prejudiced, and unjust systems is a reality we have to hold without it slowing down progress in justice and equity. But I have to admit, it gets tough to not want to pause and mourn other areas of social justice that seem to be in reverse-only momentum.

My heart is grateful to be dealing with the “good problem” of longevity and aging while it breaks and aches for the other end of the life spectrum that mourns lives lost all too soon. To some, Freddie Gray is a name in the news associated with an escalating issue that’s happening “over there.” To me, my brother in NYC and my brother in Illinois automatically flash before my eyes when heartbreaking news like this is reported and the potential of them being a name in the news is too much for me to handle.

I hope you pause today to reflect on the meaning of a just world for all and pray for those who bear the scars of loss due to hatred and injustice. I hope you also pause just to be grateful for life, the relationships that matter, and to do a little self care.