What is Respect? -By Falaki Boluwatife

Joshua, the son of a peasant farmer in Kenya, wakes up every morning to the moral obligation of greeting his parents. The first words he utters are “Good morning, papa” or “Good morning, mama”. If you asked Joshua why he does this moral gesture, he would revert that he was always taught to greet anyone older than him at any time and everywhere. Respect! Respect!! Respect!!! I have heard this word more times than I have heard my name. Taking Joshua’s context as a case study, is that all there is to respect? Moreover, who originated respect, what are the forms of respect, why do we give respect? And, how do we teach it? This set of questions has been a controversial topic in the academic circle, with various individuals, scholars, historians touting what they know or think to be the right way of showing respect.

Respect is showing “due regard for the feelings, wishes or rights of others.” Respect is as old as time itself. The origin of respect cannot be traced to any man, culture or society. However, respect was coined from the Latin word respectus, re- meaning ‘again’ and spectare meaning ‘to look’. Respect was one of those socialization tools that came into existence as human beings co-existed within their immediate surroundings. As time went on, it was engineered into the Homo sapiens genetics to promote decorum in society. Interestingly, different people, cultures, ethnicities, and countries have different ways of showing deference.

One common thing people universally do when portraying respect is either the use of grammatical conventions or physical gestures. For example, the Japanese culture considers it obnoxious to not use polite language and honorifics when speaking with someone with a higher social status. “San”, a Japanese honorific, is a title added to a name, surname, occupation or title; “Kun” is used for men who are younger or the same age with a speaker; “Chan” is often attached to children names. Similarly, the Chinese consider it impolite to call someone by their first name unless you have known them for a long period of time. The same pattern follows for other language speaking people around the world. The use of physical gestures is also not left out. Respect is signified in many African/West Indian descent communities by touching of fists. In the Islamic culture, heavenly blessings are bestowed upon anyone who shows respect, either by kissing the hands of relatives or smiling to one’s parents.

Conversely, respect is an ‘eye of the beholder concept’. What a certain person considers rude another person might not see it in that light. Why we keep having friction in our daily relationships or interactions is because people already have a certain premonition of how people should behave at certain times and places. So, if such a person doesn’t conform to their mindset of what respect is, they immediately ascribe such person as rude. China is a direct example of this claim. Sometimes, the Chinese see smiling or being too friendly as rude and too familiar. In fact, smiling or exchanging greetings with strangers is not welcomed. Whereas, in the western hemisphere, the British smile a lot to strangers or passers-by. Such commonplace gestures are not seen as anomalies. Most times, our experiences, parental upbringing, social norms, cultural expectations, and society define what we, as individuals, see, know and say as respect. Now, taking cognizance of this fact, what are the different forms of respect?

Respect can be grouped into different types. We have self-respect, respect for others, for social norms, nature, family, values, culture, national symbols, human beings, etc. Self- respect is one of the most pertinent forms of respect any human being can ever bestow on himself or herself. If one has self-respect, it will be very easy to show respect to others and everything that demands it. Naturally, good self-esteem engenders self- respect. Respect for others is also very essential for peaceful co-existence. Every person, no matter their age, size, ethnicity, religion or country should be respected for their beliefs. In fact, respect for family and social norms should be promoted. Family is the first unit of the society and disdain for it spells massive consequences. Additionally, respect for values and culture ensure generational heritage is kept intact.

Nevertheless, I do not support oppressive and retrogressive cultural norms that keep young minds enslaved. Lest I forget, respect for human beings is a very sensitive area that needs to be discussed around every corner of the globe. Massive carnage is a rife trend that has been on the rise. The killings at the Christchurch Mosque, New Zealand left my heart bleeding. I cannot still fathom that someone would massacre scores of people because of their religious belief. What a cruel world we live in!

Above all, does respect have its limitations? No doubt, respect is a virtue anyone should exhibit. It enables us to feel safe and express ourselves. But, would one still tell a young girl to respect her father who tried to rape her? Firstly, rape is a very serious case. Purportedly, the first thing that will ever prop up in her mind would be to defend herself against her father, who is trying to violate her. Certainly, she would never trust him again and her respect for him would have eroded completely. For a deeper perspective, let’s take another case scenario. The Special Anti-Robbery Squad (a division of the Nigerian Police Force) has a notoriety for its brutish tactics against ordinary citizens. Blood of innocent citizens is on its hand and continues to be. Respect for this constituted authority is no sweet music to any Nigerians ear. Considering the aforementioned and many more illustrations we may come across in our daily transactions, we would accede that respect definitely has its bounds.

In the same vein, the importance of respect cannot be over-emphasized. It is very important that we show respect in our day-to-day lives. Respect enables people to trust each other. Through respect, we consolidate mutual understanding and establish long-lasting relationships. In solving conflicts, respect brings about peace. Respect is a vital tool a mediator employs in bringing peace to any nation or community. Besides having a knowledge of the importance of respect, how we teach respect should also be of major concern.

Respect can be taught in various ways. One of the most effective ways to teach deference is to model it. Respecting each other, parents show their children the right way to treat anyone they come across. Also, the use of polite language should be inculcated into the family’s values. There have been reported cases whereby children say that they picked up the use of profane languages from their parents, either when they talked angrily to each other or a bit of misunderstanding ensued.

In conclusion, respect is still very much essential to our societal evolution. Although respect could mean different things to different people or nations, it has a core theme: equity.