Abusive Marriage and It’s Complications -By Olateju Rildwan

Why Do People Stay in Abusive Relationships?

More people have been killed by their abusive partners in the last decade than the two decades before. When news of such incidents are reported, people ask why didn’t she leave before it cost her life. It’s almost like they are blaming the victim for getting killed.

However, certain underlying factors compel or command their stay in the relationship even though it’s a dangerous place to be. 

Reasons People Remain in Abusive Relationships 

• Sunk-cost Fallacy

Sunk cost fallacy occur when people find it difficult to let go, abandon or detach from a cause because of their investment. Such investments can be emotional, financial and material. Some people have invested so much in their relationship that the thought of leaving it because of abuse is too hard to conceive. So they just live with it, hoping that one day, the abuser will grow some senses.

• Self- Esteem Issue

Self-Esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It is based on our belief of who we are and what we deserve and deserve not. Caregivers and parents shaped people’s self-esteem, those who are treated badly while growing up are conditioned to believe that’s what they deserve. When their partner is being abusive they see no reason to complain as they’ve become used to it from their upbringing. They’ve come to normalize such treatment.

• Leaving Could be More Dangerous 

Research shows that women have more than 70 percent chance of being killed weeks after leaving an abusive partner. Leaving an abusive relationship is not as simple as it seems, it may put the victim and her loved ones in danger.

• The Society, Religious Bodies and Family

 Society has some rules that encourage perseverance in marriages. The society part of which are the religious institutions not to call it a quit on their relationship. Some religions even preach against divorce and that marriage is a life contract— a kind of ride-or-die affair.

Friends and family of the victim will criticize the victim hardly if she dares to leave the relationship. The feat of judgment, being looked down upon and isolated, makes it hard for people to summon the courage to leave their relationship.

• Children

Most women stay in abusive relationships because of their children. The fear of losing custody of their children is more dreadful than the suffering in their present relationship with the poor financial standing of many women, who can’t take care of their children. 

Abusive relationships are more complicated than they look from the outside, to leave an abusive relationship requires the joint effort of the victim, the society and the government.