Bad news is inevitable… -By Swandy Banta

For Basco, August 3rd 2019 was one of many normal days until his wife went to Walmart and didn’t return home.

Their marriage of 22 years ended  when she got killed in the El Paso Texas shooting.

In his invitation to the public for her funeral services he told how Margie was practically all the family he had.

Deeply moved, Perches Funeral Home took to their Facebook page inviting everyone who could come around to show Basco some love by attending his wife’s funeral. The Facebook post  was shared about 10,000 times.

And yes Margie got a befitting funeral service.

But life will never be the same for Basco save for the fact that Margie died by the hand of a mindless gunman I can totally relate.

The day my Dad died was pretty much a beautiful day. It was his 64th birthday. We his kids had all exchanged calls and pleasantries with him. In fact he attended a wedding that day and was full of life. He was just okay.

Things however took a shocking turn when at exactly 3:07am while I slept my phone rang.

It was my brother calling, but when I answered the call, my brother-in-law was speaking. I began to shiver as he took me through the usual rigmarole that was the tactic when bad news had to be delivered.

To cut the long story short, my Dad had passed away that same night.

The shock lived with me for months. I must say, I’m still healing.

I have come to realize that for as long as we remain citizens of Earth, we can run but can’t hide. No matter what happens to us that either takes us by surprise or gave us ample time to prepare, we must get up, get out of bed and move on after being hit by a sudden storm.

For Basco, he lived well with his wife Margie. He said she was all he had. Even though Margie left in the most painful manner, they had spent their 22 years together deeply loving and sharing.

For me, my mum and my siblings the day my Dad passed away was a day of gratitude for him. He called us all thanking us for the gifts and for being an amazing family to him. My mom shared how that evening after dinner he reminisced how all five of us kids had made him a proud father. So while it hurt me so bad that he left suddenly, I was at peace to certify we actually had the best of times with him while he lived.

My point exactly is the fact that we need to maximize on our relationships in the office, church, mosque, school, home and everywhere, so that when it’s over, we would still have fond memories to hold on to rather than struggle to bury ugly tales.

We need to learn to expand on the good and minimize on the bad in relationships.

Margie was not a perfect woman for all the 22 years she lived with Basco. Believe me, my Dad sure had his own subtle way of pushing our buttons. Ask my mom and siblings. But because we all had a beautiful life in spite of our weaknesses, we celebrate him even now that he’s in heaven.

We remember even some of his pranks and have a good laugh. That’s life.

And yes, one of the profound lessons I have learned in my own experience is hold loosely the the things I cherish the most in this life, because they can be taken away from me at any time. I loved my Dad deeply. He meant the sun, moon and planets. He was my world. But when it was time for God to take him away, it happened without my permission.

My God it felt as though a knife had been used to cut a part of me away, but there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

That taught me to hold loosely to whatever or whoever I love. These days as much as I enjoy the company of my loved ones I also have learned to thoroughly enjoy being alone because it could happen one day that just like Basco I may end up alone in this world or better still in the grave.

So finally, do me a favor, please stop complaining unend about your spouse who uses the toilet and doesn’t flush or your child who eats noisily or the one who snores or the one who talks too much or the one who messes the house up. Just love them as they are and ask God for the grace to live with those things about them you have no power to change.

Maybe, just maybe one day you would miss them and wish they could come back for one more moment and just be themselves if only it would mean having them around for a bit longer.

Those who have lost precious loved ones can relate.

So as you journey through life, please don’t be too serious, stop by and enjoy the smell of the fresh flowers, a phone call from your best friend in another city or even remember to send your husband, wife, parents, siblings or friends a text saying “I Love You”

Swandy Banta is blue blooded, ask her what that means and she gladly tells you, she’s been through the tunnel of pain and she found illuminating light. She writes and coaches on the difficult subject of pain. Whether it’s national pain, community pain or the pain of loss and the hurts of life that makes us all ask why—she brings new perspectives. Swandy can be reached on swandy.banta@gmail.com