Counseling: A Marriage Story Caution -By Bose Ajibola

DEDICATED AS CAUTION TO CHILDREN FROM GREAT CHRISTIAN FAMILY FAMILY BACKGROUND!!!

I am writing to you in order to make someone especially the the good boys and girls understand that it’s good to choose your marriage partners right. Precious women and men are difficult to find as well as good marriages are. They are precious souls.

When I was about 38years of age, my husband was about 40 years of age then; we had married while I was 26 years and he 28 years of age. I had married him as a virgin.

My ex-husband and I had dated for about five years before we got married because we had met in the University in those days while we were students.

We were best of friends and attended the same fellowship as Christians in the University in those days. In fact, he led the prayer band, while I was sisters leader

We waited until we both completed our University education, I even finished my Masters and we bo started work before we got married. It was a society wedding after my family and his family met when we finally decided to marry.

At the bigging my father opposed our relationship and courtship, because the old man thought we were quite different, and had the premonition that the marriage wouldn’t work out, “Omo so rare nu bi oko’, my father had warned me in our Yoruba language, but a dog that will get lost wouldn’t listen to the hunter’s wissle.

We got married and at first, we had a boy, and then we had two girls in ur twelf years of marriage. (The are mature children now). I was really grateful to God, despite his bad behaviour, but he was un-contented. Nothing ever, ever satisfies him, including me, my good job, our three brilliant children and portable family, our beautiful home, his great career and our growing and flourishing church and ministry. There’s wasn’t any pressure from both our extended families.

My husband was always angry and short tempered most times and he always control me and have his way. I was always at the recieving end, always bearing up with him most times in withdrawal which he always calls intimidating, as I was most times under his pressure and ego.

Every time we have a misunderstanding, he would like to argue, but it was never my style as I like to be agreeable because of my discipline which is communication. I would withdrawal into silence and wouldn’t even allow our friends and family to hear about it because we were Senior pastors of our own Ministry.

My siblings will pray and pray when they finally visited and noticed my marriage ring has evolved and turned into a shackle of bandage rather than love and bliss. My husband was fastidious and will always shout and screamed at me as if I were his house made, even I can’t treat my house maid in that manner.

It was never my style because I never watched my parent do that to themselves. I guess he might have watched that somewhere or he hasbeen such abused by his uncles and aunties he grew up with since he had lost his father at an early age and his mother had to remarry.

He has a bad character and attitude of involving our little children whenever we have any little mis-understanding which he claimed was very right and he must tell and bring in his friends and other pastors to settle our family mis-understanding too. I always wondered because they didn’t bring us into their family stuff and settlement.

He is never satisfied with anything but always complains about everything thing. Whenever he was upset and shouts at me, I won’t always try to dare him but quickly and quietly remove my self from the scene. It wasn’t just my style.

Finally, he got promoted at work, had an affair and opted fo a divorce. Several members my family really were begging him not to separate and file any divorce, but it was to no be avail as he blatantly refused.

The first four courts he approached for divorce declined divorcing us when they saw our educational, career and spiritual profiles, but the fifth court approved and granted the divorce after about ten years on the basis that we had separated lived apart.

In the divorce proceedings, he claimed I was harrasing him, and the home has become unbearable to him, while he was the one always harrasing and chasing me out, until I finally left from the hospital without being able to pack my things.

He took custody of our three children, the houses, Church and all our properties we both laboured for, because we had nothing when we first got married, while I was barely left with nothing, I thank God for grace, destiny, braveness and adaptability, I would say!

I never wanted divorce, but he was a sort of a psychopath, and sociopath, because he was very temperamental and antisocial, so he continued at the devorce fillings.

He had both pride and ego and never wanted to enjoy my sanguine, educated and cultured nature and manner, like an arrogant man he was. Some friends usually asked me, “how is your arrogant husband?” in those days. I wondered how I had got myself into this life mess. It was like a life time of regret!

The police got involved severally in our case towards the end and so also were courts of law, because I was being abused emotionally, psychologically and socially. I’d always regretted how I’d got myself and family onto this mess.

I had to withdraw one of the court cases once because I didn’t want to do him any wrong when he requested I should sign out, so he could travel on an international assignment.

My husband was a violent man, his face most times becomes scarry for no just cause, he did what he did because that was just him and based on his background too, I reckon.

I will always apologize for his stupidity, and he will always further complain, that I don’t know more than sorry and please to my father.

Finally, he got through with the divorce and remarried.
However, despite that because of his psychotic nature, he refused to give me what the court judgement awarded to me, because he still believes he is on the top of the court judgement as the head of the family. Some men can really be difficult and impossible!

My family told me that I should get what is due to me from the court no matter how little it is, so also were my friends and other pastor friends and colleagues at work.

Most times, people felt sorry for me because I was the one being abused, but some others supported him because he was somewhat rich and very good at story telling, while I was always quiet.

Today, we are divorced, while I m still struggling to get the little the court awarded to me in the court’s judgement. He has refused to oblige me to date

The twelve years of the marriage was a mini-hell, to the extent that I have vowed never to ever co-habit with any man again. Although I was born and raised in a peaceful, monogamous Christian family, I actually attracted the opposite, if you ask me.

The lesson is that children raised from Christian Christly, peaceful, monogamous families must be very careful while making the choice of a life partner, because, opposite attracts, they say! The humble will most likely attract the proud.

However, when the mod pot agrees to co-habit with the metal pot , it bears the consequences, whether it hit the metal pot, or the metal pot hits it.

I know he wasted our
marriage, it some how affected our children and almost waisted his own destiny, but through it all, the Lord remained.good and faithful to me and the kids. I give Him all the glory, while I give this as a life testimony!

To our Christian youths, be very careful about your choice of marriage, because marriage will either make or mare you for ever!

Please ladies especially, be vigilant before you commit to a life time of marriage.

Finally, when you’re are married: Have the fear of God, trust in Him,then don’t cheat, don’t entertain friends’ interference in your marriage and stay committed in love, my dear reader.

So may general overseers have died under this this kind of condition and in this type of marriage. Thought it wise to share my story to save your choice of marriage and your marriage as well.

SOMETIMES IT’S NOT THE WOMAN’S FAULT AT ALL, IT’S THE MAN’S EGO, PRIDE, ARROGANCE, INFERIORITY COMPLEX AND LACK OF CONTENTMENT, THE PEOPLE YOU ALLOWED TO ADVISE YOU, SO BE WISE AND VIGILANT BECAUSE YOUR MARRIAGE TO A LARGE EXTENT, DETERMINES YOUR DESTINY!!!