Friendship and betrayal; Removing salt from maggie -By Swandy Banta

“By the time David had finished reporting to Saul, Jonathan was deeply impressed with David—an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David. From that point on he would be David’s number-one advocate and friend.” 1 Samuel‬ ‭18:1‬ ‭

Maggie and I were close friends for almost a decade. Everyone around me knew she was like a sister to me. We were quite different yet we maintained a strong bond of sisterhood. I told her all my secrets. I also thought I knew her well enough.

At that time I lived with my kid sister. I always went to Maggie for solace and advice whenever we had the usual sibling quarrels with my kid sister. I always told her my side of the story and looked up to her for counsel. She was quite helpful and also shared some of her sibling related issues too.

One day we had a disagreement which eventually led to a misunderstanding. To this moment, I don’t quite remember the details of what led to the quarrel but I do remember what she did to me.

She got so upset. Next thing I knew I began to hear that she was saying she would mess me up. Mutual friends began to approach me with details about personal issues I had discussed with Maggie which she had gone around telling.

Maggie went as far as calling my younger sister to divulge information regarding issues I had relayed to her regarding our quarrels and told her so many things as if to get her to hate me.

But “blood is thicker than water” because right after my kid sister left Maggie, she called me up and asked where I was. I told her I was in my office. Kid sister came to my office and told how she had just come from seeing Aunty Maggie. She went further to relay all she had told her. She then looked me in the eye and told me that none of it meant anything to her. As far as she was concerned, my friend Maggie was in no position to come between us.

Looking back I realize that the single incident of Maggie’s telling it all stunt signaled the end of our sibling quarrels. It was a defining situation for us. What my friend did with intent to hurt us ended up becoming the super glue we needed to stick closer than ever.

My point exactly is the fact that at some point in our lives someone we trusted enough to share so many sensitive details about our lives may betray our trust.

My God it hurts like hell when it happens.

Sometimes they will betray your trust out of jealousy, envy, bitterness or the sheer need to show the whole world that we are not as good as they think we are. The thing is most times you can never really say for sure what people are capable of until the deed is done. It is therefore important to prepare for betrayal of trust even before it happens.

From my experience I realize that most people who betray your trust never divulge sensitive details about themselves to you. So if you have a friend at the moment who loves to hear your secrets but never shares theirs, that’s a red flag. You better stop telling it all and find a nice way to create some cordial distance.

One rule I also learned was to never share in confidence anything I knew would damage me if brought to the public. If we must share certain very sensitive information about ourselves we will do well to make sure our confidant has even more to loose if they decide to betray our confidence.

The incident also helped me watch my relationships generally and adopt more decisive tactics in resolving my problems so that for instance rather than discussing my sister with a friend I am more inclined to get it sorted out with her personally.

Also, when people betray our trust, the pain it comes with should help us understand how another person would feel when we betray their trust too. Think about it you probably have done same to another person in the past. Therefore, the pain we feel when our trust is betrayed should birth a resolve in us to build capacity to be matured about keeping other people’s confidence.

We must learn the tough but rewarding art of never washing dirty linen in public when relationships turn sour; even marriage relationships. Issue based confrontations are very important. When people offend us, we must learn to be matured enough to stick to the matter at hand and not seize the opportunity to drag them to the mud.

Let me encapsulate my point by sharing a story. Ben and Martha are a couple who are my very good friends. While I was studying for my masters’ degree, the university was not far from their home so I often stopped by and spent some time with them. They were good to me. On this fateful day I went to school and it turned out to be one of those days that not much happened. So I called Martha who said she was home but Ben had gone on a business trip.

After school I stopped by and spent some time with Martha. While I was there Ben called to check on her and confirmed he was billed to return the next day. So, on the premise that Martha was home alone I remained with her until past 7pm before I headed home.

Things however got confusing when I stopped over to buy some items I needed at a supermarket on my way home and bumped into Ben and a lady who were hand in hand and leaving the supermarket.

Was I shocked? Hmmmmmnn.

…Ben called me when I got home and pleaded with me not to tell Martha what I witnessed. I was hurt, but I placed things in perspective and decided instead of telling Martha to talk tough with Ben about making the necessary adjustments to living better with his wife. I never told Martha. My relationship with them continued as though nothing of the sort ever happened.

But when I began to have marriage troubles, my dear friend Martha was one of those persons who slandered me and made the difficult time tough. Of course I confronted her on the issues at the time, our relationship got strained for a while, but my encounter with Ben and the strange woman remained in the past where it belonged.

Did I have the urge to slander Martha back by spilling in on what I knew about her beloved husband? YES I sure did. But what was I going to achieve other than making things more complex for everyone.

Methinks that in friendship we focus on trust, but fact is friendship isn’t about trust, it’s about removing Salt from Maggi. Loving each other soul wise.

The friendship that existed between David and Jonathan was of such a character that it probably could not be surpassed, and we doubt if it ever was equalled in the annals of human history. Jonathan, a prince in Israel and heir to the throne, had a love for David that excelled anything we have any record of, regarding one man for another. It is repeated several times that Jonathan loved David as his own soul.

Human love is deep, especially that love of parents for their children or children for their parents. But when there is no blood relationship involved it makes it all the more a tie akin to Heaven. Build soul wise friendship not those that you battle trust issues. To remove Salt from Maggie is near impossible.