In The Vain Pursuit Of “Peace Of Mind” -By Chinaraotito Precious Chima

Parenting could be an exhilarating journey. It is actually. But not always. Sometimes you feel pressured, burned out, frustrated, fatigued, stretched to your limits and all.

So it’s understandable when parents, of kids in their early childhood most especially, sometimes find themselves craving for “peace of mind.” And in those unguarded moments we can do any and everything to have it. We flog, shout, scold, threaten, intimidate, bully or bribe our way through.

Maybe I should draw a distinction between nurturing a child and momentarily fulfilling the urge to have “peace of mind.” Because if we don’t draw this line, we may find ourselves occasionally acting in ways that force our children to abandon their childhood and magically act like adults they are not.

I took a special note of my parents’ reaction – especially my dad’s, when we were leaving after spending a month and two weeks with them — which is the longest time I have spent with them since I got married four years ago.

To say he was filled with emotions will be grossly understating the fact. He lamented how he was going to miss the kids.

“Ah! Who will be running around the house now? Who will run to welcome and unpack my bag when I return from work? I will miss your hugs. The noise also. The house will suddenly become cold. It will not be the same without you.” He carried the kids one after the other and gave them very deep hugs 🤗 and kisses 😘.

You know olden days fathers now. He didn’t tell me he was missing me. He told his grandchildren but I noted the coded messages he planted there for me.

As I fixed my gaze at them, in what looked like a moment of epiphany, I saw what will become of me in no distant time. One day these kids will pack their bags and leave my house. A week will pass. A month also. A year follows and their feet have not stepped into my house! Years and years of bonding now reduced to a few minutes of video call or whatever technology in vogue then.

In that moment I strongly felt the need to treasure every moment with my children including the “annoying” moments because one day I will so much miss all these and will be left with memories.

Kwenye and company, you are only 4 and 2 years respectively. Please feel free to litter the house. Break the plates. Throw my phone inside a bucket of water. Spoil your daddy’s laptop. Play around. Shout on top of your voices, especially when I’m trying to concentrate. Come and complain to me that this and that person beat you or spoilt your toy. Turn your food flasks into beating drums. Scatter my make-up kit. Jump around on the bed and undress it. Leave your drawing book and try to repaint the whole house with crayons. I’ll still correct you, with cain when needed, but my approach will be tad different. I’ve learnt to also appreciate this important part of our journey.

I now know that one day I will sweep the house and you won’t be there to scatter it. I’ll dress my bed and you won’t be there to jump on it. No one will be there to spoil my phone. The house will be properly arranged and quiet. Then I’ll have all the peace of mind in the world, like my dad now has, only to discover that I no longer want peace of mind.

Chinaraotito Precious Chima