Marital Unfaithfulness As A Yardstick For Divorce -By Ifeanyichukwu Mmoh

As I observe the growing popularity of divorce in our society today, I feel compelled to share my thoughts on what qualifies as yardstick for divorce and what does not. This is because although divorce does not sound so good to the ears and is usually disapproved as uncultured; yet many people remain quite ignorant of the yardstick for divorce and, so have continued to do the things that provoke divorce in our society today.

To be candid, I am not unaware of the fact that there is probably going to be a few likes and many backlashes on what I’ll be sharing in this article. But my care is to draw people’s attention to the fact that the only way ugly trends are reversed in societies is when people become committed to doing the right things more than they made a hell of noise. If we hate divorce then we need to sit up! We need to be more emotionally intelligent; nothing more, nothing less.

Now, the finest definition of marriage that has crossed my mind lately is that marriage between a man and a woman is commitment. You may beg to differ but that’s fine with me. But if you really take the time to think, you’ll most certainly agree that marriage is indeed another word for commitment. It becomes easy for you to understand why Jesus had to prescribe unfaithfulness as yardstick for divorce in Mathew 5:32.

What Jesus is saying in that conversation is that marriage is commitment and that is why the only right reason for divorce or breakup is unfaithfulness and, you need to know that unfaithfulness is simply a lack of commitment. Although, several bible versions have kind of adulterated the original meaning of fornication in Mathew 5:32, however, one fact remains clear and that is that fornication or sexual immorality are the climax of unfaithfulness.

In other words, that there is a process that must happen before any spouse will get to the point of committing sexual immorality outside their marriage. This makes sense when we juxtaposed it with Jesus’ explanation of murder. He said that murder – for instance – begins from the moment you become angry or insult someone and not until the time you actually assaulted someone with the intention of killing them (Mathew 5: 21-22).

To better understand this you need to understand why the Prophet Samuel had to associate disobedience with the sin of witchcraft (1 Samuel 15:23). So, you don’t need to be a witch that flies at night and sucks the blood of your victims before you’re judged as one, all you need to do is to be rebellious to God’s instruction to qualify. Do not be confused that I reference more of the Holy Bible because marriage is not science but an idea from God.

Now, why do we need to get this information? For me, it is solely to help us in understanding that (1) marriage is not for those without character, (2) marriage is not for the emotionally unprepared, and (3) marriage is not for children and most definitely not fashion or competition. In a time when society has lost its bearing with decorum and when humanity has parted ways with sanity, articles like this helps us to decide on which side to perch and why.

Just because it appears that marriage is without a safety valve – that is, a Plan B or escape route – todays’ civilization has brought an unusual level of impunity into the institution of marriage that has led to the ruination of many promising personalities. That marriage is a serious business doesn’t sound like words to their ears. That marriage is the first test of a person’s integrity rings like the telephone bell to them.

And so they go about with their show of disloyalty since no law can call their bluff. But here’s the shocker. A marriage can be called off by a divorce suit if partners are found to be unfaithful or not committed to the vow and when that happens either of them is free to find happiness elsewhere. The question becomes what makes a divorce legitimate scripturally?   

As explained earlier, Jesus’ mention of sexual immorality, unfaithfulness or fornication (in Mathew 5:32) as yardstick for divorce and therefore as legitimate grounds for divorce was only because sexual immorality is the climax or culmination of a couples unfaithfulness to a marital commitment. Unfaithfulness begins in the mind and from that moment when you think your wife or your husband doesn’t deserve your love or your respect.

That yardstick was also used to show that if you can be faithful and committed to your marital vows then perhaps God can trust you. Today, people go about dishonoring their marital vows and then claiming they loved God. How can you love God that you haven’t seen and hate your spouse that you see? Today, you see people show disgust for their spouses because of some weakness and you wondered whether they really understood what it means to be committed.

You hear of domestic abuse and you wonder whether these guys realized what it means to be married. Although, most men find themselves abusing their wives against their honest judgment and because of being driven to the brink in their bid to get loyalty from their wives but enforcing loyalty that way only makes them unfaithful to the commitment too because domestic abuse was not mentioned in the vow in the first instance.

What these husbands need to do is to simply file for a divorce as a last option if they have tried to reason with their spouses to no avail. They do not need to wait for sexual immorality to happen because it has already happened in the minds of their wives and that’s why getting their loyalty is difficult. You know that no organization struggles to enforce loyalty from their employees; they usually fired them. That’s exactly what Rudeboy of the P-Square did.

I have been around women long enough to discover that when a woman disrespects you it is sign that her heart and her love have shifted to someone else. If they still had need for the marriage, they’ll definitely want to work it out instead of showing disloyalty. What’s more; refusal to give their loyalty to their husbands is another way of saying that they would fornicate outside if the chance appeared. The same applied to disloyal husbands!

So, waiting till that chance appeared before a man or woman could file for divorce is simply wasting time. My advice therefore is, if you can’t see commitment to the marriage on their part, quietly sue for a divorce because committed people don’t go about wasting one another’s productive time playing hide and seek games. Only unfaithful people pretend to be with you when in fact they know that the relationship is over for them and don’t feel anything for you.

This advice is the reason why I drew your attention to the word commitment (in the first place) so that you may know whether you’re married or on a voyage to nowhere with your partner. And like I said in the beginning some people might pick a fight with this advice but the advice has come to become a best bet and one that I don’t hesitate to give since I became a mental health activist and an advocate of emotional intelligence.

If we must fight marital impunity – which is now very common these days – then we must call a spade a spade. Are you committed to your marriage and to your spouse or are you on a voyage to nowhere? Commitment is expressed by words and actions, that is, by communication. Commitment is the essence of a relationship. Most women are not aware that men are about the most sensitive creatures alive.

A man can know a woman’s level of commitment from the first time of meeting and if they know that you’re not the communicative type or that you’re the flashy type; they pretend to be the talkative and flashy and waste their time with you until they are done. But if they know that you understand commitment, they can’t fool with you because what men look for in a woman is commitment and what women look for is love. But can there be love without commitment?

Or have you heard of a victim of domestic abuse who is a committed wife or a loving husband who is disrespected by his wife? So, whether you are a man or a woman reading this right now, never assume that you are in a marriage when in fact you’re on a voyage because the trials of life – for instance – has a way of exposing motives and separating the truly committed from those on a voyage. Remember that without commitment, you’re only on a voyage that can end at any time.

Comrade Ifeanyichukwu Mmoh is a Mental Health Activist (MHA) and ED, SASPI – AFRICA. He writes from Abuja. 08062577718 (WhatsApp only).