Marriage/Child Dynamics: Plan Ahead -By Hussein Adegoke

Those of us who studied a 5-year course at the University were once told we would be graduating with the CGPA we had in our second year if our study pattern had remained constant. I didn’t give much thought to that, well, until I graduated with the exact Cumulative Grade Point Average I had as a sophomore. You wouldn’t get to know peoples’ CGPA, you know, the other (single) one I know had followed suit, too. Let’s say I had x.xx at the end of my 200 level, and by the end of 500 level, it was the same x.xx (of that perfect accuracy) that I had. This is not to say there were no fluctuations in between. But the basic argument remains that events would follow the same course/pattern always, giving the same level of input by an individual. There were friends who didn’t ‘struggle’ well before 200 level, and up till the time they graduated, they never had a steady life. They, too, ended up with what they had from 200 level.

I learnt several lessons from the University, perhaps, those worthier than what I had formerly enrolled for. It was from there I resolved into being always a humble person. I met sheer brainpower who were unblinded by their unrivalled ingenuity. I related with classical scholars of this world who had no trait of arrogance in them. Those of whom I speak would have an ‘A’, perhaps reaching up to 90%, in a course that one would ordinarily be thankful for being ‘blessed’ with a ‘C.’ So, with all these in a rational mind, what knowledge would one possess to be consumed by it condescend people for same? But well, people with whom we never had a common ‘childhood’ would always have different behaviour and preferences. Those who experienced ‘what not’ and not my varsity scholars are billed to explore the world differently.

I think life, as a matter-of-factly, cannot be lived in the same way by all. There must be variations in our interests, understanding and dispositions. People are driven by different wills and inclinations; but the ultimate yardstick for rightness may be a long-term success over a disposition. Those who are hard smokers reap from the consequences of their actions; ditto the prostitutes. So, in those actions lie the punishments for what should originally be ‘insubordination.’

The matter at hand is all a different one. I was only hopeful I would use my University experience to launch a balanced argument. I think the z generation—the one I so belong—now go for marriages for the wrong reasons. If the reason for an action is wrong or the planning for it is not right, the whole cause of action would remain void. I think it is important that everyone settles for the best reason to go into marriage before he/she does. It may be absolutely wrong to think you are going into it because it’s just the ‘next’ line of action after school or because friends and peer groups are going into it. Exploring the marriage option for the reason of satisfying libidinous desires is an incomplete, albeit honourable, reason for the action. ‘To have children’ is a great option but also an incomplete one, too. I think every mortal who is not sexually impaired should go into marriage for the reason of advancing himself through procreation. One should be married in order to be granted success in the phases of life in which one has failed. This ultimate drive, if present, is the reason any marriage would last a substantial amount of time.

The rationale behind being driven by the spirit to amend the failures in one’s life is that no one ever have a completeness to his life desires and no one obviously comes to the world without failures. Our major concern should be raising a worthy nation and becoming proud of the heritage we leave behind.

If we were ever like this, perhaps, there would never be Almajiris—the peasant underlings from northern Nigeria. There would never be uncouth lads with polluted cultures around our streets. I look at what the future hold for Nigeria, and I think that parents should even look through a wider lens in child upbringing. Giving the child the right education is no longer adequate, as there is a stiff competition over the abundant resources of the country (lurking around just few citizens). If you would put the child through western education alone to make his sustenance without ‘linking him up’ to a CEO ever before his graduation, your life is probably going to be worthier than his—which is apparently in conflict with what I suppose marriage/child rearing should be for.

I think the world is always dynamic, and we must not be left behind; we must follow the trend it brings. The Nigerian future looks too drab and unpromising for a child with no soft skills, no special cognitive trait and nothing to offer other than a western education certificate. This little problem has affected a number of persons and it was unknown to the parents of yesteryears that it would. Let the child do his will, in matters of career pursuit; let him do yours, too. Grill him. Expose him early on to the world dynamics. Do all within your ambits to fortify him for the uncertain future. Guide him with diligence and faithfulness. Let the reason for your choice of marriage/procreation be for the advancement of yourself and humanity—through your children. It’s a long future. Let’s plan ahead.