My Dear Common Entrance Examination Winner! Choose Between Lawmaking And Skitmaking -By Abdulkadir Salaudeen

If someone tells you he wins Common Entrance Examination (oh! I am sorry, he WON it), how would you react? I will come to this later. I should, if not for religion, be as kit addict. This is the frank truth about me. However, I do try hard to avoid it. For much of skits, jokes, and comics kills the heart and makes it bereft of spirituality. It reduces the worth and dignity of man. It takes away the candidness of a supposedly candid man while engaging in candid business like law-making. Unfortunately, our legislative chamber in Nigeria might soon be converted to entertainment industry where mic will need to be turned off from time to time.

It is true that skit making is a leading job-creating-industry in Nigeria that has significantly created jobs for the teeming jobless youths. In a report last year, Daily Trust Weekend Magazine, quoting Dataleum, said skit making was listed as the third largest entertainment industry in Nigeria with a net worth of about N50 billion—courtesy of joblessness. But are Nigerian lawmakers also jobless? When lawmakers become skit makers, creativity—which is inherent in skit making—becomes destructivity. The quality of laws made by Nigerian lawmakers could be the reason why the country is dally dallying to embark on its trajectory to greatness despite having all that it takes.

The extremely extreme poverty—and joblessness—in Nigeria has turned many talented Nigerians into skit making. While I appreciate their talents, I strongly believe those talents are misused. People value skit makers than intellectuals and teachers nowadays.  A friend asked me recently if it is true that too much reading makes one poor and lazy. He naively believes that for reasons I don’t know. I retorted: “Lazy people do not read.” Yes, lazy people do not read. This explains why eight years of our national life were lost and wasted under a former ruler who hardly reads. That is laziness. The point is: it takes creativity to make rib-cracking skits. It takes diligence to be an avid reader, not laziness. In fact, it takes a combination of intelligence, creativity, and diligence to be an analytical writer.

What is more, contrary to what many people think, the business of law-making isn’t a joking one. One has to be intelligent, diligent, urbane, decent, mindful, insightful, independent in thought, critical, conversant with current events, and in touch with reality to be a lawmaker. If our lawmakers truly possessed the aforementioned, it seems they have deployed them all into skit making to abandon lawmaking. Agreed, we are all humans who might need some amusing moments. Should our lawmakers need to make some skits, there should be some limits. It is this limit that a famous artiste (Davido) recently trespassed for which he was roundly criticized. For a creative display to be sensible and appreciable, it has to be inoffensive.

When lawmakers engage in offensive skit making, the poor will become victims. They will be made a laughing stock. It is offensive to make mockery of Nigerian masses after being subjected to grinding hardship which make us suffocate under the ruthless jackboots of our rulers. It is irking to see how the Senate President recently put to vote the ending of hardship experienced by the poor masses. He jokingly asked his colleagues if they were in support of allowing the poor to breathe. Imagine this from Senate President: “The prayer is that let the poor breathe. Those who are in support should say aye. And those who are against say nay. The ayes have it. The poor should be allowed to breathe.” This is ridiculous to the core!

However, when the relegated poor eventually dashed into the National Assembly complex by removing its gate, these lawmakers who just debated if the poor should be allowed to breathe or not started begging protesters. They begged to be beaten but not to be killed. They fear death but their actions and inactions have thrown a lot of Nigerians into their graves. This is wickedness.

Of course, there are serious-minded law makers; probably few or very few. The skit makers are more visible. Take for instance the quadrennial take-a-bow-and-go ritual which is regularly witnessed at the inception of every new government in Nigeria where ministers stand before the lawmakers for screening in the National Assembly. This took a rib-tickling dimension some days ago. One wonders if the hallowed chamber is for lawmaking or skit making. If the 9th Senate was said to be a rubber stamp which it never denied nor found offensive, then this 10th National Assembly has perfected the rubber stamping job and even made it more “thrilling” with its episodic skits.

As if he’s competition with Brain Jotter or Mr. Macaroni, a self-acclaimed exceptionally brilliant lawmaker said he WON Common Entrance Examination when he was in primary three (3). O my God! I used to think exams are passed, but now we were told exams could be won like awards. Why should one take offence if anyone says the quality of our lawmakers is the reflection of the quality of our education?

How did it really happen? A ministerial nominee who appeared to have finished primary school at an age which suggests he started primary school at the age of two was asked about the discrepancy in his age vis-a-vis his certificate by a lawmaker. In an attempt to defend the ministerial nominee, another lawmaker from Adamawa rose to say: “Some people don’t understand certain things. Let me tell you a personal story, I sat for Common Entrance Examination when I was in primary 3 and I WON because I was exceptionally brilliant. You may be like me, exceptionally brilliant.”

When I listened to this gifted lawmaker, I laughed hysterically. Though I attempted suppressing my laughter, I realized I can’t help it. It is this law maker that was enmeshed in sex toy imbroglio sometime ago. Now I see the connection between exceptional brilliance and display of machoness at Abuja sex toy shop. Exceptional brilliance indeed. May I use this opportunity to congratulate the people of Adamawa for having an exceptionally brilliant legislator as one of their own.

Hello my dear lawmakers, enough of this skit making. Lawmaking is a serious job. Please, give this job the seriousness it deserves. Nigerians are wailing. We are in pain. May we get it right.

Abdulkadir Salaudeen

salahuddeenabdulkadir@gmail.com