The Butler’s Done It -By Seun Elere

In many settings, when someone dies, the surviving spouse is often the primary suspect even when the death is of natural cause. In these situations, the surviving partner becomes the proverbial Butler—the scapegoat for a tragedy they never caused.

This ridiculousness only adds to the agony of those who are already grappling with profound grief. The surviving spouse, who has lost their partner, is not only left with the pain of the loss, but also subjected to unfounded allegations. And, tragically, this double burden is imposed by people who have no understanding of the depth of that grief.

These accusers—many of whom had no role in the deceased person’s life—suddenly become loud and vocal after the death, spreading hurtful rumors without recourse to the sense of reasoning. They were never there during the journey of the couple, but now they’re quick to blame. What’s worse, some aren’t even family members; they’re outsiders who presume to know everything and loudly declare, “The Butler must have done it!”

The surviving partner, already shattered by the loss, is expected to endure these baseless accusations as part of the grieving process. People say, “You know, in times like this, emotions run high and people say all kinds of things. Try to ignore it.” But ignoring it doesn’t make it go away or less painful.

Perhaps the best way to handle this is by setting a firm example. After all, he who accuses must prove. If someone is so quick to point fingers at the surviving spouse, let them legally validate their suspicions. This would not only curb the spread of unfounded rumors, but also discourage those whose pretentious grief only lasts until the funeral from further hurting those who truly mourn and would carry the burden for the rest of their days on earth.

In the end, the surviving partner—the Butler—is the one left to pay medical bills, look the children in the eye, and answer painful questions about the death. They are the ones who have to endure the trauma and grief, suppressing their own emotions for the sake of others.

Submitting to God’s will is paramount, and understanding that everyone will be judged for their actions here on Earth is a far more peaceful approach than making unfounded claims that only delay the healing of those who are truly grieving.

After all, you can’t cry more than the bereaved.