The Dilemma Children From Abusive Marriage Face -By Fareedat Taofeeq

“Despite the fact that I didn’t grow up properly with the love and affection every normal child deserves, it hurts that I became a victim of the sorry situation I found myself in.”…

Globally, in the nearly four decades between 1970 to 2018, the divorce rate has move than doubled, from 2.6 divorcee for every 1,000 married couple to 5.5 in which the cause of some of the divorce was domestic violence which might have emanated as a result of lack of understanding among couples, the urge of one partner to dominate the other and many more.

It takes a number of forms including emotional, economic, verbal or physical abuse which can range from violent physical abuse such as chocking, beating acid throwing and can result to death or disfiguration of the victims. According to the global estimates published by WHO (World Health Organisation) it indicates that about 1 in 3 (35%) of women worldwide have experienced either physical or sexual intimate partner sexual violence in their life time.

According to Nigerian’s National BUREAU of Statistics (NBS), the divorce statistics in Nigeria shows that 0.2% of men and 0.3% of women decides to end their marriages. Marital breakdown is a cancer that does not only destabilize the family but also bring untold hardship to the children.

Many of those children gets psychologically traumatized, a lot of them has fallen into depression, developed PTSD (Post Traumatic Disorder) bipolar disorder, or anger issues a study has shown that a lot of those children when growing up charge their pain and resentment against their parents to the opposite sex, there have been several cases of women refusing to get married because of the picture they have painted in the head about it and the wrong notion they have developed against it likewise men too , some of them might even believe violence is the best way to solve any problem they might have encounter.

The few ones whose parents gets another partners or probably remarry becomes preys to them. They are several cases of boys being molested sexually by their step mothers or even girls been abused and used by their stepfathers to satisfy their selfish urges, some of those children are sometimes turned to house maids or help by their step parents and step sibling, their dreams and hopes are being snatched away from them.

While speaking to a victim of such circumstance who pleaded anonymity, she said, “I grew up to the sight of always seeing my mother being beaten by my father, she has passed out on several occasion during the beating spree, it was too much for her bear so she left him leaving I and my younger siblings with him although she still stayed in touch with us but it still cant be compared to having a mother figure around you. Few months after the divorce my father got married again and that was when the real drama started my younger ones and I were turned to maids in our father’s house the only difference between us and a maid was that at least she still allows us to go to school and socialise a little. We got used to it and as my step mother aged she became less cruel to us, I finished my higher institution and was working my younger ones where also getting the best they could, as of the time I clocked 30 many of my peers were already married and having children but there I was turning relationship proposals and wasn’t really concerned about it except from the naggings I received from my family and friends, by the time I was 32 my friend advised I see a psychologist, because she thinks I need help which I did, I narrated everything concerning my life to the psychologist after some sessions with her she told me I was suffering from a psychological condition, PTSD (Post Trauma Stress Disorder) which was as a result of the trauma I faced when I was growing up and my brain adopted a defence mechanism to protect my mind from going through the same thing which explains the reason I couldn’t find any guy attractive or even accept their proposals, with the help of my psychologist, several sessions and treatment from her I was cured ant got married when I was in my late thirties . Despite the fact that I didn’t grow up properly with the love and affection every normal child deserves, it hurts that I became a victim in the sorry situation I found myself in.”

An abusive marriage shouldn’t be kept or subscribed to leaving an abusive marriage early is one of the best solutions you can adopt rather than allowing or raising your wards or children to grow to the sight of you being abused by your partner daily thereby turning them to victims of the circumstances you created.