Tolerance Among Women In Our Society -By Abdullateef Otuyiga

“There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy” -Lope de Vaga

On a serious situation–you might be contributing violence to your fellow being. It hurts, when some women don’t tolerate one another in their homes. Well, that is born out of the trait called “jealousy” which can’t be resisted as humans, but can’t it be controlled after it has destroyed other people’s lives and yours, too?

In African traditional settings, African men are known to marry many wives and have many children, contributing to one of the populated continent in the world. It isn’t a shame for them, as it is part of their culture and they cherish it. Even some religions allow more than one wife, but with some conditions. Some whites, unlike Africans, favour a single wife, blessed with two children or maximum four.

It is a fact that no woman would want her husband to marry another wife, but unknown to many of the women of the world, it could be a blessing in disguise.

Many homes have been destroyed because of this menace born out of self interest–usually with the second wives, but the first wives also suffer. The former suffers untold difficulties when the latter causes havoc in different dimensions. It is either physical or spiritual. Talk of authoritative attitude towards the second wife, this make hell out of her. She becomes the maid in the house. Going here and there without any comfort.

Apart from being physical, the spirituality could be disastrous. This could be in form of demonic afflictions either on the wife, her husband or her innocent children. Living a miserable life until she and her children are forced to pack out of the house while the inflictor is extremely happy saying In Yoruba language “Olóríburúkú afí ìgbà tólö” meaning; “Unfortunate being leaves eventually.” What a wicked world!

The effect of the phenomenon that leads to breaking homes is shown, as it has extremely adverse on the children and society at large; even the parents are not spared. The children experience exploitation in different ways: sexual, economic, social and physical. They also go through emotional and psychological turmoil. Many end up becoming hardened criminals constituting nuisance to the society– owing to their shattered education and inadequate parental care. Worst still, some have irreversible experiences like death or everlasting sickness.

The parents and guardians of such children also suffer, as they couldn’t carry out their responsibility as expected. Sometimes, the mother of the children is seen to be frustrated and stressed which could force her to illicit behaviour in order to survive. Even the father of such children is not excluded, as his responsibility is controlled by demonic affliction.

What would be the effect to the society on this situation? The society suffers the brunt, as young talents are wasted, criminalized and made to become tormentors of innocent citizens.

On another angle, some wives seek court marriage, not for any other thing actually, but for their men to be for them alone. “My husband is not meant for sharing” is their slogan. They don’t care even if he has a concubine, in as much as they don’t marry each other.

The nature of a man, as designed by God, is to have more than one wife. This could be in respect to his ability; intelligence, wealth, health and sexual ability. Consider yourself lucky if he has married only you and insisted he would only go for you again and again. A wise man would rather marry another wife, for his ability can never be denied, than have concubines outside his marriage. A short-minded one would be pleased with fornication outside his marriage ignorantly. Can’t this affect you as a woman?

The sordid thing of the matter is that– some short-minded wives inflict their husbands with demonic affliction, and even to the extent of killing their husbands because of another wife. They have forgotten the consequence could be on their own lives and even to their children. A wise woman will always long for a peaceful life with her husband and children.

Maryam Sanda’s case and many others in Nigeria are available, as a lesson for us to have a deep thinking. She eventually killed her husband out of jealousy. She is not safe either after being sentenced to death. What a self-inflicted torture, resulting from an action too late to reverse! What about the future of her children? Absolutely shattered.

Tolerating another wife could be a blessing for you, in as much as your husband is responsible. The new wife might open door for more success to your home. She is ready to be submissive and even take you as elder sister. Loving and caring for you and your family has been the beauty of who she is. Your children and hers are united. It is hard for outsiders to know the real mother of all the children at home. Both children are living a happy life and they are successful. Isn’t that beautiful? How pleasing would it have been if you understand!

Oh, you ask, “what if the incoming wife is not a good one?” Then, you have to be prayerful, not with demonic intervention, before it eventually happened. Prayer and your patient really matter, for a peaceful home you crave for.

We are already in the world where ladies are more than men and young women have lost their husbands to divorce or death. Seeking a responsible husband is what they want. Living alone without husband’s guide has even made their lives miserable. You wouldn’t deny the importance of a responsible husband in the life of a woman or women, would you? And isn’t that immeasurable?

All in all, women should remember the sense of love and compassion they have for their own children, as it can be employed to save their fellow women and children’s life, too. Also, they shouldn’t let their emotion control them negatively, as the adverse of it could be disastrous, not only to them, but the society in general.

Accepting and being considerate to each other could make a peaceful life. With this, you would not be depriving your fellow being from the rights and opportunities they deserve.

Abdullateef Olakunle Otuyiga is a 200level student of English language, Usmanu Danfodiyo University, Sokoto.