Why Are Many Good Men Single? -By Eberechi Ohaji-Akwani

Hmmmm!
That was my first reaction when guys started clamouring for their own part of the equation. How am I supposed to know? Am I a man? But I shall try. I’m not a grown woman for nothing. Shebi I rocked the dating scene well well before I got married.

Listen men…the reason why most ‘good’ guys are single is simply because they aren’t ‘bad’. Or bad enough. Oh yes. Sauce for goose, sauce for gander. You guys aren’t just bad enough. Let’s go there.

When I was single, only one sort of guys attracted me. You have to be bad, brave, a little angry and not very gentle. See, who gentle help? With my really strong personality, if I can order you around, I won’t date you. I need you to be angry enough to make it in this life. You will just be forming Brother Blockrosary and good things are passing you by.

So guys you need to be firm. Forget oh. A lioness needs a lion. I can speak for a great percentage of women. No one wants a sissy, a fop, a wop. No woman wants a man that can’t break bottle for her (this is figurative please). Don’t go and break bottle and have them break your head. You should fight for your woman and not hide behind her skirt. Chop liver guys. It helps.

Tell the truth at your own peril. Yes oh. I know they will come after me but the truth is if your truth is unpalatable we don’t wanna hear it. Keep it in or embellish it. They will say I’m enabling oppression and suppression of female folk by men aka patriarchy. But na una know. It is what it is. In other words be as honest as you should be and leave the rest to conjecture. Mystery aids attraction. Argue with your bland beau.

A bad guy knows to spend on his woman. Forget all this equality stuff, a great guy distinguishes himself from the madding crowd. Buy her periodic gifts. Send her money even if she is richer than you. That’s a sure mumu button.

Be exciting. It’s not everyday God-fearing brother with trousers to his chest and bible clutched in one hand. See, there’s something exciting about a risquè guy. Damn. Bad boys are damn good.

Be versatile. Be a God-fearing man as well as a club rocking guy. Life doesn’t stop in church. So many things to do for a well-rounded life.

Good guys are boring and predictable. Ah ah. What use is predictability? It blunts life and takes away the sharp edges.

See, learn to stop being too macho. If she likes movies, take her to her chic flick; enjoy it, discuss it without losing your essence. It’s not tomorrow now you’ll say, “Jane says you should go to chic flicks.” A domesticated guy is sexy. An overtly domesticated guy is a turn-off. Not the one that will be arguing cost of crayfish and ogiri with you.

Don’t be effeminate. Oh dear me. That one kills me. Don’t be effeminate. I apologise to those men that are effeminate but I really can’t stand them. My sincere apologies.

Read. Speak proper grammar. Discuss politics. Have a sense of humour. Stoneface abi Boniface is no use.

Best of all, to get the girls, have ambition. Don’t glory in poverty. That shit isn’t attractive.

Anyway last last be yourself. Who go love crappy you go still love you…and this is a disclaimer from me.

© Eberechi Ohaji-Akwani