Why do some men beat their wives? -By Azuka Onwuka

Here is my answer to this question I asked some days ago.

‘Why do many men simply ignore or walk away from a nasty, arrogant and disrespectful female neighbour or business partner but choose to beat their wife for the same reason and then justify it as “correcting her out of love”? Why don’t they correct their female business partner or neighbour who does the same thing their wife does to them?’

Does a man beat his wife because of love? No. Is it because he wants her to be a better person?

No. If a live-in house help of 12 years old breaks a glass cup and a daughter of the same age breaks a glass cup, the mother may viciously beat the house help, starve her, give her sour food, and even pour hot water on her (like we have seen repeatedly in the news) but will quickly ask her daughter if she is injured by any shard of glass. The reason is that she loves her daughter as her own but does not have that same feeling for the house help. So it is not love or care or need to make the wife a better person that makes a man beat his wife.

The reason the woman molests the house help without feeling bad about it is because of the need to dominate. She has been told that if she is not firm on her house help, the house help will grow wings and destroy her home and marriage. Therefore, she needs to bring her under her control as early as possible. She needs to assert her power over her within her matrimonial territory.

Animals like lions, leopards, etc, do the same in the jungle through scent-marking their territory. They assert their dominance within their territory.

It is the same thing that makes a man beat his wife: dominance, control, ownership. The man has been told right from childhood that if he is not firm on his wife, she will grow wings and want to rule over him. So any time “she misbehaves”, according to the judgement of the man, he tries to use his strength to put her in her place. If she challenges his use of force, he increases the violence to subdue her. No matter how badly he injures her, he is justified in his heart because he believes that he is the master of the home and the woman is his chattel. He believes he owns her and knows what is best for her. Her father has finished training her and handed her over to him to continue the training, and he must not fail in his duty to make her a well-behaved, humble woman that will not be a disgrace to him and his family in public!

It is also the same reason a woman may not be rude to her male business partner or neighbour, but will easily be rude and nasty to her husband and even justify it: dominance, control, ownership. From her childhood, she has been told that men are domineering, that men treat their wives like slaves. So she has primed herself “never to take any nonsense from her husband”.

She believes that she is the alpha female that should be in charge of things. She has, therefore, conditioned her mind so badly that she does not even see her words and actions to her husband as abusive. She sees them as normal. Some women do not only verbally abuse their husbands; they also physically abuse them, but men don’t usually talk about such matters publicly. In the world of the spotted hyenas where the female is the top dog, she always seeks to subdue the male hyenas under her control.

Therefore, marital abuse – whether physical or non-physical – springs from the primordial hunger to assert ownership and dominance. It should not be justified in any form.

© Azuka Onwuka