Why Do Women Cheat? Inbox Message 1 -By Azuka Onwuka

I read your posts on why men cheat and felt a desire to share my story. As a woman I know that we are judged differently from men. So I had to create a new account to send you this message, so as to unburden my heart.

I know that I may be called names but it doesnot matter.

Am 36yrs and have been married for 15 years. My husband is in his mid 40s. We have three children:- 2 boys and a girl.

Before I married my husband we had a deep discussion on virtually all issues. Our marriage took off well. We did things together. We had no secrets. We would quarrel and make up quickly.

Then shortly after Buhari took over in 2015, my husband lost his job. He tried for a while to get another, but no job came. So he started a business.

During the one year period that he was searching for job, the family depended more on my salary. That is when the problem started. Gradually he became easily angry and cold. Any little thing he will flair up. It became complaints upon complaints. Today, it was that I was rude to him. The next day, it was that I came back too late or raised my voice on him.

Most times I would try to know what the problem was. It was either he refuse to talk or say its nothing.

Then our sex life went bad. Before, sex was one thing we never joked with. Unlike other couples who will complain that the woman or man would give excuses of tiredness or not being in the mood, we didn’t have such problem.

We chatted widely on phone about sex and had it very well anytime we wanted to. Even if we quarreled, there was no case of creating embargo on sex. We had no problem of one person always waiting for the other to initiate it.

Then all of a sudden sex became something that happened once in a blue moon and in a flat way. A man that would always be ever ready became distant and always not in the mood.

Most times, I would be forcing myself on him. I began to feel like a slut and a leper. I began to feel unwanted and dirty.

When he started a business things improved for him financially. I thought things would change between us but no.

Like play like play I notice that my husband has become distant and like a stranger. We hardly talk these days.

I have reported to his parents, nothing came out of it. Rather he became worse complaining that I insulted him by reporting our matter to his parents. I have asked him that we see marriage counsellor or our pastor. He said no.

These days when he talks to me he talks without regard for me. Unlike before when he treated me like his quuen.

Now that all our children are in boarding, anytime he travels I am home alone at night or weekends. I am a young woman, I have feelings, I am flesh and blood, I am married. Why should I be married and yet single and treated like rags?

I have resorted to masturbation, something I did last long before marriage. Masturbation has not worked too, very frustrating. I am always tempted to go for any of the men disturbing me up and down but I always stop at the last minute. Two years ago it eventually happened. I went for a training overseas. I was the only one from my office. We had a party at the end of the training. Maybe it was the music and the drinks coupled with it being a foreign land where nobody knows me, I let my guards down and went in with one guy who had been close to me at the training. I felt bad afterwards.

I have prayed about it and asked for forgiveness. But it has not stopped me from burning with desire occasionally no matter how I try to distract myself. My fear is that I may get more into infidelity as my husband continue to be distant from me and treating me like a total stranger.

I don’t know what to do to bring back the spark in my marriage. I am totally helpless.