10 Commandments Of A Side Chick -By African Maat

DISCLAIMER: This is not a voyage into the morality of the subject matter or the subjectivity of it but a charge to own your decision and defend your decision.

In January 2020, a social media video went viral where an older woman was seen assaulting a younger woman for allegedly being a side chick to her husband in a mall. The older woman did beat the alleged side chick, removed her wig and called her many derogatory names. On the 29th of February, 2020 another video went viral of another older woman assaulting a younger woman for dating her husband causing her so much suffering in her marriage and shaming her for having anal sex with her husband. In both instances, the videos generated a lot of comments for all sides of the argument from millions of people on social media.

A side chick (also called mistress or jump-off) is defined as a woman who is in a sexual relationship with a married man. she is also derogatorily described as a home breaker, slut, strange woman, the other woman, and such other tags. Often such relationships are completely under the radar, kept a secret from the wife who is described as the “main chick” until the wife finds out her husband’s infidelity and exercises any of the several emotional and logical options available to her.

What makes a man cheat on his spouse? Ask the man. What makes a woman cheat? Ask the woman. The reasons are as diverse as our numbers but the fact is that every human being has the innate capacity to cheat. There is no gender wired to cheat and another gender wired to accept it, this is the narrative of patriarchy and it is biologically and logically flawed.

Everyone must come to terms with the truth that infidelity is a decision. Seduction is no excuse; a decision is made even if in a slit of a moment to let go or flee. When a married man decides to have a side chick he does so with full knowledge of his vows of fidelity and decides nevertheless to journey on the path for whatever reason or justifications; also, when a woman decides to be a side chick to a married man she does so with the full understanding of the risks.

I do acknowledge how society views these dashes of realism, vilify the side chick, blame the main chick and excuse the cheating husband, talk about the privilege of patriarchy! It is never the man’s fault who in a flash is viewed as a helpless toddler wooed by the wiles of a Jarumatised side chick or the flaws of the main chick which makes his indiscretions permissible or tolerable. The outcome of which pitches the main chick in a territorial battle against the side chick who is blamed resulting in the growing trends of assaults by main chicks especially in public.

In all of this, the man escapes the consequence of his action or get a religious or cultural reprimand. A myth of this dilemma is that all was well in the marriage and deterioration only occurred when the side chick stepped in, which always excuses the indiscipline of the phallus. Little wonder this is the only time a man accepts being a weaker vessel.

The videos that went viral evidenced the emotional options adopted by the main chicks in addressing the infidelity of their husbands and also the timidity exhibited by the side chicks on confrontation, as if unaware that their reality at that moment was a possibility. This I find utterly upsetting.

No one should assault you for indulging the decisions of their husbands. No one.
What should you do?

Commandment 1: Thou shall own thine decision.

You are a side chick, own it. If it becomes public, own it.
 
Commandment 2: Thou shall be dead to shame.

Once you set out to date a married man, you must become immune to shame. A shameless person cannot be shamed, not from the man who may turn against you for calling it off or from the main chick who apportions you blame for her marital woes or even from your frenemies who thinks information within their knowledge is enough to shame you. Consider is an occupational hazard, try to mitigate it but never be caught off-guard. 
 
Commandment 3: Thou shall feel no guilt.

A man determined to cheat will cheat either with you or with someone else, so do not carry the guilt of 3 people. He took vows he breaks; you made no such vows to his spouse, and he is accountable to his wife, not you. Cheating is a decision. You are not cheating; the man is. You only cheat on a person you commit to, he made a promise to his wife; you did not. If you feel guilty, you owe God a conversation while the man owes himself, God and his wife explanations. Do not go guilt-tripping on account of the main chick slut-shaming you out. Being a side chick does not reduce your value.

Commandment 4: Thou shall show no fear.

Fear enables an aggressor. Any show of apprehension is to your disadvantage.

Commandment 5: Thou shall show respect if accorded.

If the main chick approaches you with respect, you must accord her the same civility but do not let your guard down; jealousy is unpredictable; a potent emotion with alternate channels of expression.
Commandment 6: Thou shall not react to aggression with cowardice or humility.

Love or the fear of loss can make decent people rascally. Where aggression stares you in the face do not be a spectator. No assault should be condoned for your sexual preference or partner of choice, defending yourself is a right guaranteed by law and ensure you communicate that insanity has since failed the economics of monopoly. Be prepared for confrontation, always.

Commandment 7: Thou shall enforce thine right.

Do not excuse assault under any guise. None is empowered by law to resolve infidelity by violence, not even provocation is an absolute defense. Institute an action. Sue her fast and hard. Criminality is criminality.

Commandment 8: Thou shall not fall into the trap.

Stay in your lane, defend yourself in your lane; you can only enforce your right in your lane. Do not go into her territory less, she holds on to trespass. Do not be the aggressor, do not fall into the trap.

Commandment 9: Thou shall ensure the cheat is worth it.

Ensure that in the exercise of your decision to endure all the confrontations and aggressions that the cheat is worth the stress. Ensure the price you pay is worth the cost otherwise dump him now.

Commandment 10: Thou shall protect thine privacy.

No matter how public your side chick story becomes, keep quiet. Do not reward entitlement to your privacy and do not accord the main chick intimate details either.

These commandments ensure you do not tolerate assault irrespective of the circumstances and not to encourage violence. That you do not assume responsibility for a philandering man’s decision because of the fluidity of society’s standards of morality and the convenience of patriarchy. Nothing justifies it, more so you have not cheated.
I hope main chicks will embrace logical dispute resolution options if at all and not resort to the commission of a crime just because society tolerates it, fortunately; the law does not. Protect yourself side chick, all legitimate means necessary, protect yourself.