Around town on Independence Day -By Sesugh Akume

I decided that it was Independence Day so I should do something a bit different to mark the special occasion being a Sunday, we decided to go to this Church. They had advertised a special music programme, so I put on a white three-piece agbada with a matching cap off we went. Everything was going on fine until an usher approached me and nicely whispered that I remove my cap, but not as we spoke just any time after he left and turned to leave. I equally politely asked why I was to remove my cap? He said oh well, traditionally it’s the norm in Church for the men to remove their caps. I said oh well, I thought traditionally it’s the norm for women to cover their hair, but I don’t see many doing so, why the multiple standards? He said oh then there’s no problem at all and then walked back to his station. He wore a sort of forlorn look and I didn’t quite like it so I beckoned on him and he gleefully came. I said well, this was a place of worship and I certainly wouldn’t want to be a source of distraction much less irritation to anybody. He said no it wasn’t a problem at all, I should feel free but again repeated when and how to remove the cap and sauntered away. What else could I say? I quietly and obediently removed my cap and focused on the proceedings.

After the singing and dancing came the preaching. The minister made much meaning. He spoke about service and its importance. He said that was what brings God’s blessings not giving money or fasting or whatever else, God cannot be bribed. I found that intriguing I had thought that God was a money doubler, you give some money you get more at the harvest. Here was a preacher saying God follows a process, he’s more interested in obedience that all the giving and on he went citing various passages in the Bible to buttress his point. He made sense. He didn’t waste any words. But then I started feeling this irritation. There was this mobile police man with a bomb detection device who kept coming and having this discussions with the ministers in front, and the discussions weren’t ending. One group would come have the discussions and go, another would come, the people would leave, come back and sit and get up again, it was so distracting. I knew exactly what was going on. A big man or his wife was about to come. And so the activity kept intensifying. Next, people were moved from where they sat, others took their place and the distraction intensified. Then walked in Dolapo Osinbajo, wife of Yemi Osinbajo the vice president. Then everything changed. Then they started slipping notes to the preacher. After two or three I stopped counting. The whole place became so uncoordinated that the preacher himself became distracted, hard as he had tried. He was no longer lucid he mumbled some things and brought the homily to an end. My guess is if one asked the minister precisely what his concluding thoughts were he’d be unable to clearly state them without looking at his notes. I was irritated beyond words. These people are everywhere, you avoid their offices and events, they’re everywhere on traditional media, you avoid the traditional media they and their minions are everywhere on social media, you avoid social media and go to the sanctuary there they also go with their uncouth, uncultured, domineering ways. The last time the VP was late and interrupted an important discourse at The Platform last year but who would’ve thought the wife would do same in a worship service for goodness sake? Isn’t there reverence for spiritual things and settings any longer?

Then came the announcements that ‘our mother in the lord’ was in Church, what a rare privilege it was, what high honour, what singular opportunity. There was shouting, clapping, hailing, and all sorts of emotions in gratitude for having her present. I got tired. If you think there was a flurry of activity and distractions ahead of her coming in I have no words to describe what it was before the VP himself walked in. For the second time all the ministers sitting on the front row left their seats and went outside. For the second time the entire sitting arrangement for the first three rows was distorted. I quite frankly don’t get why everything wasn’t set in place for both to quietly walk in but had to disrupt the proceedings in a place of worship, twice. I’m not so well versed in the Bible but I’m sure it’s against this preferential treatment of VIPs in a place of worship. But do religious people care about what scriptures say as long as they have their way?

I don’t know how many times the VP was clapped and stood up for. Nor can I recount the glowing words used in describing him and their wonderful administration. The minister then invited the VP to give a word, such anointing couldn’t be allowed to come and leave without depositing a blessing, he said. The VP spoke about God’s will being done on earth and believers in Jesus’ duty to enforce that will. He spoke of the anointing and other spiritual and prophetic things about Nigeria’s greatness I didn’t quite comprehend. In my mind I was wondering precisely what this person thought he was doing? Enforce what will? What spiritual blessings? Here’s a fellow who as VP and for a while acting president can’t even if out of nepotism symbolically see to it that the murderers of the pastor’s wife who was killed here in Abuja face justice. The widower is a pastor in his own Church denomination. The VP had famously claimed to be on loan from his Church to be VP. As VP and a law professor we don’t have a justice system that automatically avenges deaths of citizens. We equally can’t have a VP to manually see to it, even if it’s one case. I don’t know much about spiritual things but I know that there’s such a thing as innocent blood that cries for vengeance. If therefore there’s innocent blood across the length and breadth of Nigeria crying for vengeance and nothing is being done how can there be spiritual blessings to counter these cries? So on and on the smooth orator went giving the parishioners the right doses of the opium of the masses, and they liked it. Well, as long as they were happy, I was fine too. After Church we went home.

Later in the day I went out to our daily #BringBackOurGirls sit-out at Unity Fountain, better to be solidarity with the 113 missing Chibok schoolgirls who would be spending their fourth Independence Day in captivity, not forgetting the kidnapped University of Maiduguri lecturers on an oil exploration expedition for the federal government, and policewomen also kidnapped while on national duty while Borno-Adamawa road months ago. Unity Fountain itself wasn’t without activity, there was a free comedy show going on. I didn’t know who the organisers were but I was sure that it was bankrolled by the government. First there were too many armed policemen and women second, there place was cordoned off with the yellow police tape with ‘Crime Scene, Do Not Trepass’ written all over it. I never knew the Nigeria police had that tape as I’ve never seen it used before. Now that I saw it used it was being abused. I quietly walked away to attend my meeting at the other side of the fountain.

After our sit-out I along with three other friends we went over to the place where everybody was having fun. It turns out that the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) had sponsored the ‘anti-corruption’ event. The comedian said ‘if you love Nigeria say Ibrahim Magu’. ‘If you hate corruption say Ibrahim Magu’. And went on and on about how the ‘thieves’ at the National Assembly are refusing to confirm Magu the EFCC boss because they have skeletons in their cupboards. I ignored, didn’t mind, I simply watched the comedic performances for a while, shared some laughter with the friends and left for home.