Before You Choose A Mentor -By Elabor Joe Agbebaku, Esq.

WHO IS A MENTOR?

A mentor is a person you look up to for guides and directions in the journey to attaining your goals and purpose in life.

A mentor is like a compass, when you look at him, you see the direction to where you are going to, and also helps you to have a good view at your final destination.

He is a person that has gone through the road you intend to pass through, and has overcome the various challenges on that road.

WHY YOU NEED A MENTOR

• Because you need a direction

Life is a journey, and as such has various channels to get to various destinations, depending however on where you are going.

If you do not have the appropriate direction, you will miss your destination. For example, the direction to Lagos from here is different from the direction to Abuja. If you set out to go to Lagos, but head towards the Abuja direction, you won’t get to Lagos. So, it is with mentorship. You can’t say you want to be a Medical Doctor, but take an Architect as a mentor in your quest to be a Medical Doctor.

In the Bible, Elisha knew he was going to be a Prophet, he followed the footstep of his mentor Elijah; Joshua knew he would be a Leader some day, he followed the footstep of hie mentor Moses who was mentored by Jethro (his father-in-law); In the New Testament, Timothy wanted to excel in the ministry, he was under the mentorship of Paul; and so many instances there in the Bible.

In whatever field or discipline you choose in life, you need a mentor there. Read about great and successful people, you would find out they were under mentorship. Bishop Oyedepo would tell you the influence of his mentors (Kenneth Copeland, Kenneth E. Hagin, Bishop Idahosa etc.) in his life and ministry. Dangote would always refer to the impact of his mentor Dantata in his success story in business. Chimamanda Adichie a great writer of this generation would always quote her mentor Chinua Achebe when narrating her success story. The defunct P-Square had always pointed at their mentor Michael Jackson as the brain behind their exploits on dance floors. In whatever area you belong, you need a mentor there.

In leadership and politics, you need mentors. As a matter of fact, you need it more in this area, because you would be faced with decision making and taking every time. You see how King David was running to his mentor Nathan for guides and directions, as brave and stubborn as David was. He knew the relevance of mentorship. 

Barack Obama’s mentor is Frank Marshall Davis, he always noted this and the effect and impact he has in his leadership and government. Same with other past and present world leaders, read about them, you will see how they make reference to their mentors and impact they have on them. It is only in this our clime however; we see our leaders not able to identify who their mentors are or make reference to having mentors, no wonder they rule as those without directions. Anyway, that is not why we are here today.

Many people fail in life, not because of lack of money, not even because of lack of education, but because they have no direction. You need a direction in life. An author by name Timothy Leary once asserted that “We are dealing with the best-educated generation in the history. But they’ve got a brain dressed with nowhere to go”

WHO SHOULD BE YOUR MENTOR?

Do not allow anyone to choose a mentor for you, it is forbidden. You have to sit down, carefully and skeptically and independently pick your mentor(s). It is an individual task and not a collective responsibility.

This is one of the things in life that nobody can do for you. Just as no one can dream for you, no one should choose a mentor for you.

Before you choose a mentor, you first need to search yourself deeply to know your aim and purpose in life. You need to ascertain where you belong and where you are going. Different persons are in this life for different purposes, there is something special about everyone and it is inherent and inborn, you need to search deeply for your own.

This is very important as it is the first step in your journey to attaining your goals in life.

How to discover your goals in life…

Identify your burning Passion: There is a burning passion in everyone. Something that you always think about, that you want to do always or that you enjoy to do. It could be desire to see lives liberated; it could be desire to see souls saved, it could be love for dancing, or singing or acting or even talking. There must be something, it could be a line in trade/business. Your heart can be burning for good leadership in the society. It can be anything, and it is always positive because it is being given by God, and as we all know, God is not a God of negativity, he is a positive God. That is why Paul admonished us in Philippians 4:8, that “… whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is admirable… think about such things”.

This has nothing to do with formal education. Yes, it has nothing to do with the four walls of school. Like I said earlier, it is inborn. School may only give you a platform for exposure and bring the best out of you. It is far from what makes you who you are. What makes you who you are is inside you, and it is been given to you by God. That is why you see some persons doing better than some in the same field, after going through the same process and teachings in school.

Have you ever asked yourself why the likes of Steve Jobs; Tiger Woods; Joel Osteen: Bill Gates; Oprah Winfrey; Mark Zuckerberg; and other global business giants and high successful personalities who dropped out of schools but eventually took the world by storm in their chosen careers and fields of endeavor? Or those Ibo men who never attended any higher institution became business giants in Nigeria and controlling multimillion naira companies? This is just the secret. So don’t feel disadvantaged if you could not afford a formal education, it does not and can not stop you from attaining your goals, just take out time to search deeply for your secret power, that burning passion in you.

I had this my colleague back then in the University, his passion according to him has always been to make musical sounds/beats, however he was prevailed upon by his father (who is a lawyer) to go and study law. He obeyed his Dad, and struggled to read law. He graduated and was called to the Bar, immediately after that, he took his Call to Bar Certificate and Degree Certificate to his Dad, handed them over to him and told his Dad “I have done that which you wanted me to do, now I am going after what I want to do”.

He left, enrolled for trainings on how to make musical sounds, complete his trainings and started his career in music and has been doing well in the music industry, and happy too.

Align with a field, an area of specialization. When you discover your passion, the next thing is to align your passion to a particular area. It doesn’t work in isolation. If it is music, is it Gospel? Is it RnB? is it Rock? You have to know this and align where it belongs. If it is Business, what area of business? Is it to render services or sell products? What service or what product? If it is in the ministry, there are different departments, you need to be specific on the area you want to serve.

Your calling can not be to sing reggae but you go and be singing blues, you cannot succeed.

Now that you have identified where you belong, the next thing is to identify persons in that field or career that have excelled in that area. This is where you should take your mentors from.

The reason you have to pick your mentors from here is that, they have gone through the road you are about to embark, and have succeeded in that area. You need to understudy them carefully, learn from their mistakes, adopt the strategies that made them to succeed in that area.

TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MENTEE/PROTEGE

• Be humble to learn– No one can ever go far in life with arrogance. The only way you can benefit from your mentor is to bring yourself down. Don’t try to act like you know more than him, or even know what he knows. Remember Robert Greene’s first law of power, “never you outshine your Master”. Your mentors are your masters, keep whatever you knew as additional knowledge and give yourself to new learning under your mentor. 

• Read about your mentors – Be hungry to read about your mentors. The best way to know about your mentors is to read about them. Whether commentaries about them or their biographies. It gives you insight about them and clear vision of what to benefit from them.

Thank God for internet services these days, you can easily search and browse for persons on the internet and read about them.

There are people that have mentors in the Bible, I am one of them. We are under their mentorship by reading about them and inspired by their exploits.

• Read your mentors ­– Reading your mentors is about the most effective aspect in mentorship. This is very important because you may never get to meet your mentor in real life. Yes, it is not mandatory that your mentor would be someone you have a one-on-one relationship with or one who you see face to face. It maybe somebody that has died many years ago. I started following one of my mentors Ronald Reagan some years after he had died, and his impact in my life through his books, his policies as a leader, etc. cannot be overemphasized. All of these came through reading. I am glad not to be alone on this, as one of my mentors (in faith) Bishop David Oyedepo has also affirmed that he continues to read and follow the instructions of Kenneth E. Hagin even after the latter has passed away. You should read your mentors, this should be done frequently.

• Be focused on your goals ­­– Don’t get distracted or carried away, be focused only on your goals. You must be ready to make sacrifice in doing this. Nothing good ever comes easy. Just believe in the process. There are some times you would be tempted to make a change or give up or doubt your dream, especially because of circumstances or influence of friends, you just need to be focused.

• Read books – This is very important, read books and read wide. Especially books authored by your mentors, and general books related to your field and discipline.

You can have more than one mentor, there is no rule that says that you must have only one mentor, provided they are leading and guiding you to your goals and life destination. There is even an advantage of having more than one mentors, it gives you a wide understanding about your field; it makes you read different views and experiences of people who have succeeded in your field before you.

In conclusion, it is important for you to note the following in choosing your mentor(s):

• Don’t make any person your mentor because he or she is your parent, your brother, your sister, your uncle/aunt, or even your teacher.
• Don’t make any person your mentor because he is popular, influential, rich or because of his or her status in the society.
• Don’t make a person your mentor because your friend or friends made him or her your mentor.

Be guided by your goals. Your mentor is who you see yourself to be in the future. If any man does not fit in your future person, do not make him your mentor.

Stay blessed and never give up on your dreams.

Thanks for your time.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE CELEBRATION

Elabor Joe Agbebaku, Esq.

(Convener, Owan Project) elaborjoe@gmail.com