For Courage, Steadfastness And Everything Being A Widow Brings -By John Chizoba Vincent

While growing up in Aba, there were many single mothers and fathers I knew in my street. And these single mothers and fathers have children. Some have six children and some seven and others, eight before the death of their spouse. You’ll believe that no matter how good a mother is, it is not good for only her to train a child. And no matter how lovely a father is, it is not also good for only him to train his children. Some fathers are usually strict and hot while dealing with their children while some mothers are somehow soft while training their children. However, if the two come together to train up a child, the child will end up becoming normal to some extent. When a father becomes too hot or strict with his dealings, the softness of a mother turns his anger cold or somehow soft to the children. Perhaps, that is how nature has made it to be; two hands in training and upbringing of a child. But in a situation where we have only a father or a mother, it becomes too hard for a single hand to train and care for a child.

In my church then, we have a special service every month for the widows and widowers in the church. This service usually takes place every last Sunday of the month and my Pastor who was then working with one oil company in Port Harcourt had an account he set aside for these widows and widowers and he gave willing members who God had touched in their heart to donate as well for this course. In fact, the gate was widely opened in my church that some widows and widowers that were not the church members are allowed to come to that service. They were treated equally like the church members. And respected, too. So, a day before the service usually on Saturday, the pastor appoints some members of the church who go to the market to buy foodstuffs ranging from bags of rice, Tin tomatoes, Maggi, Fresh Fish, Vegetables, and lots of other things. During this service, all the widows and widowers are called out on the church altar and prayed for. They are prayed for by the pastor and the church members alongside their children. Later, the gifts are presented to them all. I was always fascinated by the smiles on their faces. By the expression on their faces and how they would walk majestically back to their seats. The pastor would always tell them to walk majestically to their seats and never allow anybody to intimidate them because they were widows and widowers. They should not be ashamed of who they are and never get tired of disturbing God who would take care of them.

I grew up loving these people. I grew up having a soft spot for them because of the courage and strength they exhibit. Because these people are still happy after their misfortunes, they found reasons to moved on with their lives after the death of their spouses. They were not after how the storm of life is throwing them here and there, the tribulations of life may come in different forms but they were not moved by it. That has always been my happiness. No matter how ugly your mother is ( if there is anything like that), she is still your mother and there’s nothing to equal her in any way, same as your father. Aside from being strong people, these widows and widowers have something in common too, they are courageous and brave. You hardly see their tears in public. They have these characteristics of holding on for a very long time. They live a prayerful life. A life full of hope and faith. A grieving widow’s pain is unique and volatile. What encourages and uplifts one woman may be painfully unhelpful to another. Grief is like a virus that waxes and wanes with intensity.

The Quest for survival has made many of us forget the smallest of all things which are very relevant to our neighbors. We have forgotten the significance abound in longing to help those who are in need. Perhaps the toiling and sweat of our daily activities have made us lose concentration of those who seek our attention in our communities. I have come to understand that everything is not all about money. Sometimes when we don’t have money, we should encourage and care for some people, it helps. The magnitude of what we have forgotten is those things hurting us sometimes and more and more are going right into the drain because some of us no longer care. Maybe, you should in your spare time, think about these people logically. These people that some well-fed neighbors have categorized as baggers because they seek for water to quench their taste. They are widows not baggers. They are not dogs you stone food at. Bedbug once told its children that they should endure that everybody would have large lips. Nobody asks for death, it comes and takes when he needs a soul.

Meanwhile, don’t neglect these people. Don’t allow them tear up when they remember their lost ones. Help them in whichever way you can. A grieving widow who lives alone may go several days without hearing another human voice, especially months after the initial funeral of her husband. Emails, text messages, and letters are good; however, phone calls and visits may be better if you can create that time. While this may not seem like the most efficient use of your time, efficiency and effectiveness are sometimes mutually exclusive. Emotional minefields such as these may require intimate knowledge of the bereaved and how they are taking the Lost of their lived ones. A close friend, relatives, or neighbors might be better suited to visit a widow than some Pastors. Don’t confuse compassion for a church acquaintance with a call to take personal action. If you don’t know the widow well, allow one of her close friends to direct your efforts. It will ease out so many things when someone very close visits her.

©John Chizoba Vincent

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