Gaddam it…Life is a traffic jam -By Swandy Banta

I spent the last weekend at Abuja with my family, enjoying my stay between my Mom’s, Sister’s and brother’s houses. I enjoyed my stay. I think I should paraphrase; I enjoyed part of my stay. There was this part of the weekend I didn’t enjoy at all, the multiple traffic jams. I think local parlance captures it when it calls it go-slow….life goes slow when you want it fast, at least moving rapidly isn’t it?

The night before I left town, a distance of about 10 minutes drive took my sister and I almost 2 hours to make because of a traffic jam that at the end of the day didn’t seem to have a cause other than sheer impatience.

As we maneuvered through the holdup I looked around and noticed that no motorist was smiling. It was an obviously unpleasant situation. One man cursed as a keke Napep tricycle driver brushed his car, another lady vehemently resisted as an impatient driver from behind tried to get in front of her vehicle. A helpless mother also battled her restless kids in the car. I too was partially preoccupied with managing my full bladder, while I desperately prayed we would soon be out of the traffic and home in good time.

It was obvious that the traffic jam had caused pain of one sort or the other for all who were trapped in it.

Then I began to think deeply and then it struck me that in reality sometimes life in itself becomes a traffic jam for us.

Have you ever been in a situation where it seemed as if life itself was against you?

The problems just showed up in clusters. Your rent expired at the same time you received the medical diagnoses you had dreaded. Then as if that was not enough your car began to develop some mechanical fault you did not have the money to handle and you really needed the car at that moment because the rains were still very much in their season. Then the kids all took ill and finally your boss just told you that you could not take a short break from work.

Honestly when all hell is let loose and life becomes a traffic jam, composure is a tough call.

Most times we lose it; we get aggressive and get emotionally wrecked because of the sheer enormous weight of the load we carry at the point. We transfer our aggression on every and anything that comes our way. We become tempted to cut corners, we become different people from the ones our loved ones used to know.

Just like the people I got into the traffic jam with during my holiday, we become tempted to lose our sense of rationality and do every and anything to get ourselves out of the situation not minding who we hurt in the process.

Sometimes the people we hurt during these tough times are the people who love us and have always had our back, but because we are so consumed with what we are passing through we hardly notice the tears they shed because of how we hurt them while trying to get headway.

So if you’re reading this and your life is currently in a traffic jam. I mean so much is happening at the same time, most of it unpleasant I would love to share a few tips with you about how to deal with it-

i. Take a deep breath. Breathe in and breathe out. Place your senses on neutral. It’s ok to not be in control sometimes

ii. Take a break from it all. Switch off from the situation and distract yourself for a while. Listen to music, watch a movie, do laundry, arrange your room, cook your best meal and have a nice time eating, probably take a sweaty bottle of coke. (Note: this is only a short break)

iii. Put on your thinking cap. Think on pen and paper. Itemize all the issues in order of importance and priority

iiii. Now it’s time to place things in proper perspective. The truth is that there are those things that are within your control while there are those that are out of your hands.

v. Now it’s time to pray (I believe in God and Prayer). Talk to God about the ones that are out of your hands. Hand it all over to him and ask for his help. Believe me this works so well.

vi. Now it’s time to strategize about how to deal with the issues that are within your control. My sincere advice is that you

FACE THE ISSUES HEAD ON and don’t stop till you conquer. There is no situation that determination, commitment and persistence cannot help you solve. The thing is you need to be brave.

Our greatest enemy when we become overwhelmed with a barrage of issues is our emotions. They usually take over the steering wheel of our lives and drive us right into the ditch. Refuse to fall prey to your emotions. Don’t give in to pity parties, blame games, transfer of aggressions or any other nasty games emotions play with our minds when life slams us with multiple issues.

Whether we like it or not, whether someone causes us problems or not, for as long as we remain alive, these overwhelming situations will come.

I remember times in my life when I have been in some situations that I thought would see the end of me. Fast forward to now, if you ask me how I got out of the turbulence I’ll honestly say I have no idea. I just know I got out of it.

So for me sometimes I relate these kinds of tough times with flu. Most times when you have flu, no matter what drugs you take, it would have to complete the cycle of days before the body overcomes it. That’s how some tough times are. No matter what you do, it must complete its cycle.

That’s why I am usually of the opinion that whenever we become overwhelmed by these tough times we should do our best and leave the rest.

Refuse to lose your peace. It’s a choice you have to make that no matter how things are crumbling around you, your inner peace will be protected with every fiber of your being because therein lies your core from which every strength required to overcome stems.

Swandy Banta is blue blooded, ask her what that means and she gladly tells you, she’s been through the tunnel of pain and she found illuminating light. She writes and coaches on the difficult subject of pain. Whether it’s national pain, community pain or the pain of loss and the hurts of life that makes us all ask why—she brings new perspectives. Swandy can be reached on swandy.banta@gmail.com