How Do We Appease The General? -By Ajíbádé Abdullah Adéwálé

With the situation of things, the general needs to be appeased with six kegs of palm oil, a fresh female dog, with fresh palm wine.

Wait! But the citizens of this country are ingrates, after all that the kindhearted general has done for them, they had to provoke him that jack, a non-citizen, and an innocent man would have to stretch his back and appreciate the favorable lashes of the general.

Well, now that they have gotten the general angry, and he is already communicating in the language they understand; a language even the deaf hear. Who will help them appease the general? They brought this upon themselves!

General Buhari

While still being thoughtful of how to appease the general, I wonder why the citizens of this country would step on the toes of the general, when he has fulfilled 99.9% of his promises and still vow to do more.

The media keeps promoting untrue events to stain the photoshopped image of the general. Why would they lie that kidnappers and terrorists are on a rampage when the general is keenly doing everything to put a stop to it in the language the kidnappers and terrorists understand?

They are blind to the fact that kidnapping has reduced drastically, and terrorists have willingly left the country. They even donated their weapons to aid the security agency of the country in their fight against protesters. Why have they chosen not to report this act of patriotism?

One dollar is equal to one Nina, the improvement of the health care sector has made general not traveled to receive treatment abroad unlike many other presidents, through the money being distributed in markets across the country, many of the market women now have shelters and the poverty rate of the country has dropped to the barest. All these among other positive things, yet the citizens of this country do not give the general the accolades he deserves. What else do they want?

Many of them are even calling for the resignation of the general. This gets me laughing. Where has it occurred that a “General” resigns, not to talk of a progress-oriented general?

Well, their actions have gotten the general angry, and he is communicating in the language they understand. Should you not be aware, the general is a polyglot, and treat each situation in a distinct language.

Now that the general is angry, how will they appease him?

Perhaps we can go for the chief priest’s suggestion by getting six kegs of palm oil, a fresh female dog, with fresh palm wine. If it doesn’t work, the general will have to continue ruling beyond the next election. Fortunately, he is a kindhearted man and the people may not even want him to leave.