Perfect Mistakes -By Swandy Banta

“Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to error that counts.” – Nikki Giovanni.

“Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow.” – Mary Tyler Moore.

I looked at my watch and it was almost 7:30am. The rate at which I was going, I was going to get to work late. I stared at 2 boxes full of clothes and still stood frustrated not knowing what to wear. At that point it seemed to me I had no clothes. I finally murmured to myself as I settled for a long simple gown, “I think I need new clothes”.

As I drove to work I began to wonder how possible it was that I had boxes full of clothes and yet needed new clothes.

Sigh!

The sad reality about life is that most times we have everything we need but we get so caught up looking for what we think we should need.

In the same way many times we fail to acknowledge and celebrate the milestones we have made in life but choose to magnify the mistakes we have made, make monuments out of them and continue to beat ourselves over them until the light is dimmed on every good thing we ever achieved.

For instance the family whose child is doing drugs and dropped out of school, they consider themselves failures forgetting that they were the same parents to four other successful children who are getting on well with life.

So many of us are like that we find it so easy to see what’s wrong with us and not the many things that are so right about us.

So recently I received this email from Matt Furey, a psycho cybernetics expert. He had this to say, “One morning, over 30 years ago, I looked into the eyes of a defeated man. I was looking in the mirror. I was looking at myself. At the time, I felt defeated. I felt beaten. I thought of myself as a failure. And yet, I had more successes racked up than most people my age. If that was the case, why did I feel the way I felt?

The answer is simple: I focused on my failures. I focused on my losses. I overlooked my victories. And the more I focused on the fact that I didn’t win “this one” or “that one” – the worse my life got.” 

Matt went further to state, “Anyway, that morning, when I saw a defeated man in the mirror, I decided to make a change. I decided to focus on what I had already accomplished instead of where I fell short. By changing my focus from failures to successes, not only did I feel better, but I started winning again. Not every time. Not all the time. But often; a lot more often.”

Not all battles in life are supposed to be won. It’s ok to loose sometimes. Loosing is a reminder that we are only human after all. I have lost so many times in the past. Lost in business,  failed exams, lost in marriage and even lost to death. It’s ok to fail.

As John Maxwell would say, “Failure is the back door to success”. Failure helps us know what not to do again. You did it the last time and got the wrong results so how about trying out a new approach rather than throwing in the towel?

As I read Furrey’s email, I got to this very spicy part where he continued,

“The other day I spoke with a man who lost a windfall’s worth of money over 10 years ago, and to this very day, he can’t get this loss out of his head.”I lost over three million dollars,” he exclaimed.

“So?” I replied with my stock answer. 

“But that’s a lot of money,” he continued. 

“So what if it is?” I added.

“But I feel so bad about it. I don’t know what to do,” he complained.

I shuffled some papers, then said, “If you made it before you can go make it again. But if you keep focusing on what you lost, you’ll never get it back.” 

…Did you get that last bit? “If you made it before you can make it again” The truth in this statement blew my mind. Instead of whining about what you lost and how you’ve failed, how about getting your butt off that sofa and doing it all over again.

Furey continued, “All of us have our moments. All of us fail, make mistakes and have setbacks. 

We tend to beat ourselves up about what we did “wrong.” But what if what you did wrong turned out to be perfect?

“Perfect Mistakes” is what I call them. 

If you look for the perfection in a mistake, you will find it. But if you keep condemning yourself for a mistake, you’ll gain no ground. The more you condemn yourself the more you take on the look of a defeated, timid, fearful soul.”

You know what a perfect mistake is? It’s that mistake you make that if you had not made you would not have gotten to where you are in life today.

If I had not ended up with a bad marriage I would not have pursued a doctorate degree in an academic field I enjoy thoroughly. I would not have started a club for young ladies; I would not have met some of the most beautiful people in my life now. I would not have had my beautiful daughter; I may never have grown to enjoy the kind of deep intimacy I enjoy with God. Can you relate?

Think about it, a mistake probably got you to redirect and get to a more beautiful place. And if you’re stuck in the place of regret, I think it’s time to pick up your compass and head in the right direction. It’s never too late. Ask Col Sanders who began his Kenturkey Fried Chicken empire in his 60s.

If you have the defeated look, change it. You change it by focusing on what is good now. You change it by focusing on what went well in the past. 

No matter how small, find the good and amplify it.

See it. Feel it. Be it. 

See you at the place of fulfillment.

Swandy Banta is blue blooded, ask her what that means and she gladly tells you, she’s been through the tunnel of pain and she found illuminating light. She writes and coaches on the difficult subject of pain. Whether it’s national pain, community pain or the pain of loss and the hurts of life that makes us all ask why—she brings new perspectives. Swandy is can be reached on swandy.banta@gmail.com