What If He’s A Mummy’s Boy? -By Chukwuneta Oby

When a man is shamed for being a “mummy’s boy,” I often ask, “What’s wrong with being a mummy’s boy? Is it a wife’s boy that he should become? Firstly, as a woman, you didn’t have to marry a mummy’s boy as I believe, the signs were there.

But for you to ‘finish putting head’ and begin to stress the marriage over his closeness to his mum is robbing yourself of whatever happiness you could milk from the marriage. There’s something selfish about NOT putting the history that a spouse has with a parent into consideration.

Do you know where the rain began to beat them in the journey of life? You didn’t start life with him from birth but someone did. Often, the stability of our emotions is anchored on those we have known all our lives; a parent, a sibling, etc.

Later on in life, the “anchor” shifts to the latest players (friendship, relationships/marriage and children), in our lives provided our emotions feel SAFE there. So, if a married person has not detached from the ORIGINAL anchor yet, it means that’s where their emotions feel SAFEST. Only two factors can help here. Time and maturity especially on your own part.

Only time registers your presence in their subconscious enough, for them to begin to revert to you and not to an original anchor. Maturity on the side of his mum will see her graciously withdrawing from his emotional space to enable him to adjust to his marital reality.

Don’t count on this, though. Patience and understanding are your greatest ally. Don’t postpone happiness in your marriage, waiting for him to detach from his mother to face you squarely. Instead, find ways to engage your energy optimally in that marriage. So that by the time he comes around, it may not even matter anymore. And you are still happy.

That’s what life does to us, a situation either transforms you for good or it remains a source of stress, because we are fighting a reality that’s demanding acceptance. The average person that grew up with parents is either a daddy’s girl or mummy’s boy mind you. Why it’s obvious that a man is a mummy’s boy is NOT always because he’s doing something wrong but because of an overreaching mum.

Sometimes, you are safer with a spouse, whose weak point is a parent. Otherwise, the story becomes a man who listens to nobody and does as he pleases. If you stop seeing his closeness to his mum as a threat, your eyes will open to the virtues of a mummy’s boy. For everything you perceive to be someone’s flaw/minus, therein lies their strength/plus factor.

I have yet to see a man that RESPECTS women as the average mummy’s boy. They carry their loved ones along and that means you (their woman) is in safe hands, come shine or rain of life.

One thing that age is steadily teaching me is to pay more attention to NOT how special anyone makes me feel but how they actually handle those they don’t have to be “extra” with. It’s a typical mummy’s boy that divorces with CONSCIENCE when a marriage is no more. They don’t “clench their teeth” to hit back.

When we get fixated on what irritates us in a setting, we don’t look at how it can work to our advantage. You are really not safer in the hands of a spouse who only looks at your face while “not sending” every other person.

MOST mothers are not even scheming to displace you in their sons’ lives. They only want to be accommodated (relevance) in their child’s life. Frankly, you only need to have an inkling of ‘how far’ some people have come with their loved ones to NOT afford to raise eyebrows to whatever close ties they share.