Why Blame The Victim In Father-Daughter Incestuous Act? -By Sandra Ijeoma Okoye

It is increasingly becoming irksome to hear people blame the lady that was reportedly been banished with her father from Nnobi community of Anambra state for engaging in an incestuous affair that produced two children.

The news story, from every confirmable upshots expresses plausibility as it appears to be no longer a case of stranger than true, particularly as not few media platforms that can be pronounced to be unswerving when it comes to coverage and reportage of credible news have published the story, and has in that light gone viral.

As widely reported, “A lady and her father have been banished from Nnobi community of Anambra state for engaging in an incestuous affair that produced two children.

“She gave her name as Queen Bassey and further revealed that she is from Cross River state.

“The lady who was interrogated by some members of the community, revealed that she was disvirgined by her father who made her become his wife by placing her on oath strengthened with kolanut. This reportedly occurred after his wives left him.

“Queen went on to say that she can’t explain why she allowed the incestuous affair to go on for long”.
Against the foregoing backdrop, it is not an exaggeration to say that since the story went viral that it has become one of the most talked-about news that have found space on the media landscape, and it is likely bound to remain at such due to the degree of oddity it is characterized with.

In fact, I must confess at this juncture that virtually everyone that commented about the abominable act resorted to blaming the mother of the victim, who is no longer married to her incestuous husband for not disclosing the secret to the public; particularly as the victim has already birthed two children for the father. Though commentators, were divided in their views as one side of the divide said the mother of the victim may be ignorant of the evil act, while the opposing side were of the view that there is no way she couldn’t have known about it given the fact that she had already birthed two children in the forbidden relationship, and that the paternity the children ought to have being questioned by the mother nay members of the extended family. Thus, not few commentators are blaming the girl for falling in love with her father to a detestable extent, even up to being impregnated by him.

To my view, it is expedient to ask why anyone would ever blame the victim of a sexual assault. But think about it a little more. You may discover that there have been times when you too have put the responsibility on a victim, rather than the perpetrator. Sadly, it is a common phenomenon.

Viewed from the foregoing, it is possible that the victim might have blamed herself, and might have convinced herself that somehow she did something wrong or that she didn’t do enough to stop it, particularly for not divulging the secret to some members of the family; particularly her mother in this context and leaders of Nnobi community.

To those that are apportioning blame to the mother and daughter, they are unarguably telling the world that they are misogynists. For the sake of clarity, a misogynist someone who hates or discriminates against women. For God sake, those apportioning blame on the victim ought to know that secrecy is an ally of sexual violence. For decades, victims of sexual abuse have remained silent about their experiences.

The reason for the conspiracy of silence that is usually exhibited by a victim of Father-Daughter Incestuous Act, cannot be farfetched when analyzed from psychological perspective.

At this juncture, there is no denying the fact that stating what makes a daughter to maintain silence over perpetration of sexual violence against her by her own biological father in this context can hardly be believed by anyone particularly as Nigeria is composed of patriarchal communities where wives and their daughters dare not question a father over any misdemeanor. This is as every survivor’s story on being slept with by her father is different from that of another victim, and how each survivor deals with her experience is incredibly personal. Sadly, there are too many reasons why survivors keep their sexual assault a secret.

Without doubt, sexual assault survivors in Father-Daughter Incestuous Act often have many challenges and concerns when it comes to speaking out against their biological fathers.

In fact, there are some common fears and reasons why survivors keep silent, and such fears cut across that of retaliation or punishment from their fathers, fear of victim-blaming, fear that they would not be believed, fear they will have no support or a place to turn for help, fear of being shunned, being conditioned by the perpetrator to keep silent and blaming themselves for the sexual assault.

“Parents need to be very vigilant, monitor and give sexual education to their children especially the girl child. Children should be trained to always voice out whenever they see signs of assault from either male or female.

To my view, the government, Anambra State Government in this context, should enact a new law that will stipulate castration or death by hanging for offenders that waywardly decided to be having carnal knowledge with their daughters, and on the other hand, parents should monitor their children; teach them sex education without holding back any secrets.

In a similar vein, mothers should be the best friend of their children so that their children can be free to share their experiences with them. Also mothers should not be shy to discuss sex education with their children.

Above all, it is expedient to ask, “Why blame the victim in father-daughter incestuous act?