With Pain—Semicolons are needed in life -By Swandy Banta

Do you know why we sing victory songs? It’s because we have won a war, we fought, we battle so we sing, sometimes the war hasn’t been totally won but we anticipate and we sing in victory. So why do we use a semicolon? Follow me and let’s share.

I went to church last Sunday with a heart overflowing with gratitude for a blessed first half of the year. It was our midyear thanksgiving service.

My problem however began when it was time to dance in groups to the altar for special prayers. Pastor said mothers, husbands, wives, widows, singles, business people/civil servants. I immediately identified my category (civil servant).

While the dancing was ongoing I found myself lost in painful thought. No husband to dance and celebrate me and vice versa. Nawa Oooo!!!Too bad.

I immediately forgot all the plenty thanksgiving I came to church with and concentrated on the pageantry with which societal expectations were being celebrated.  I had obviously failed in meeting the minimum requirement of church and society.

I began to ask myself why I was still in church. I started considering picking my bag and heading home. There was nothing left for me to do here. Infact enhI began to even decide in my mind that there was nothing to thank God for again.

Good thing I paused for a while and thought some more.

I thought of the woman seated in church that would have joined the women in the motherhood dance save for the fact that she had lost her three kids in an accident some years ago or the woman who has tried for a baby for many years.

The sister who had to join the singles dance because she had been disappointed six months ago by the young man she had dated for eight years.

The couple who joined the dance because they need to keep up an outward appearance that suggests all is well with their marriage.

Then a truth I had never considered settled in my mind. There are certain painful experiences we would encounter in life that may never go away in the real sense of it. We would have to deliberately choose to live on in spite of what we have been through or are still passing through.

For instance another marriage would not erase the fact that I had been in a previous one that ended badly. It will only be an opportunity for a fresh start in marriage. A chance to get it right and an opportunity to live on in spite of my past.

For the mother who lost her kids in the ghastly accident, a new baby won’t erase the trauma. The scars will remain, but it will be an opportunity for her to choose to embrace another opportunity of motherhood and live on.

My GF shared an article with me which was written by Sheila Walsh in which she talked about her encounter with a lady, who heard her speak at a conference.

Sheila wrote, “When was that? I asked. It was last year, in California, she said. It led to this (She pulled up the sleeve of her sweater to reveal a tattoo on her wrist. It was a semicolon). May I ask what that means? I said. She looked down at it and rubbed her fingers over the black ink. It’s about choosing to live one more day, she said.”

The lady went further to tell how she was part of a new movement, which is called Project Semicolon. She explained that it was a community of support for those who struggle with thoughts of self-harm and suicide. For those who battle mental illness or addiction. It was a community for those who needed to share the truth. She’d been at the conference hosted by Saddleback Church, she said, and it had changed her life. ‘I joined Project Semicolon after I heard you speak.’”

The next words Sheila Walsh shared blew my mind.  She said “I remember my opening line so well. It’s something I couldn’t have said for most of my life.

Good evening. My name is Sheila Walsh, and I am profoundly grateful for the gift of mental illness. It means that I can look into the eyes of someone else who is suffering and say: me too.”

And to her mental illness story, I say a resounding me too, because I have been through failed IVF, divorce, painful loss and depression.

She continues her story, “So, what does the semicolon mean? I asked. She looked down at her wrist again and said, ‘A semicolon is used when an author could’ve ended a sentence but chose not to. I am the author, and the sentence is my life.’”

Sheila said, and I quote, “Freedom begins in a community of me toopeople, people committed to helping you carry your burden. Being part of Project Semicolon has given her that kind of community.

They don’t understand because they are experts. They understand because they’re honest about their own suffering, and they help her combat the lies. They help her see the truth about herself, and they accept her just as she is. That kind of community deprives shame of the oxygen that keeps it alive.”

So back to the thanksgiving service in church today, when I took time to place things in the right perspective I began to see clearly again all the amazing things God had done for me that if not for him (God), no be small yawa wey for gasit would have been catastrophic.

I realized I had probably more reason to dance than even some wives, mothers or any categories of people who had been probably more recognized (my sentimental reasoning).

My point is that sometimes when we allow the perceived superficial expectations of society to cloud our sense of reasoning we fail to see amazing benefits we have enjoyed which the outside world may be oblivious to. I wish I had a “normal” family, but I don’t. However, I am so blessed in ways that many “normal” families are not.

And yes I think I should get that semi colon tattooed on my right wrist to signify that even though my life is not perfect, I choose to live on and live well.

Your story may be different from mine, but pain is pain no matter the disguise. You are not alone.

Let me end like this, “It is because of the Lord ’s lovingkindnesses that we are not consumed, Because His tender compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great and beyond measure is Your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23 AMP. Did you notice the semicolon in that scripture. After all said and done God’s faithfulness over our lives are great and immeasurable.

Swandy Banta is blue blooded, ask her what that means and she gladly tells you, she’s been through the tunnel of pain and she found illuminating light. She writes and coaches on the difficult subject of pain. Whether it’s national pain, community pain or the pain of loss and the hurts of life that makes us all ask why—she brings new perspectives. Swandy can be reached on swandy.banta@gmail.com