Without Doubt, That 60th Birthday Was Insensitive And Ill-Timed -By Isaac Asabor

If there is any tradition that is well known of, and recognized by not a few people, it is unarguably the tradition of observing a period of silence for the departed until he or she is buried. Without a doubt, it has become a common way to honor the deceased, and it is also regarded as a unique opportunity to take some time out from busy life to reflect about the essence of life.

Thus, for the sake of clarity, a period of silence is a quiet period that can last even weeks, particularly in African tradition, to enable mourners exhibit silence for the deceased, silently contemplate and reflect whenever they are gathered together. It is always an opportunity to take time to honor and remember the deceased. Without a doubt, moments of silence have become commonplace when recognizing natural disasters, tragic events, acts of terrorism, or individual deaths.

In as much as not a few people might have witnessed periods of silence for departed loved over a period of days, and even weeks in some cases, as a mark of respect for the dead, or perhaps participated in a candlelight vigil for someone who passed away in a community, it is expedient to recall that the media; both the social and conventional media, have been agog with attacks against the Pastor of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, City of David in Victoria Island Lagos, Pastor Idowu Iluyomade, and his wife, Siju, for being insensitive over the death of one the Church’s strong members, together with his wife and son.

The reason for the attack cannot be farfetched as it could not be unconnected to the recent events that surrounded the death of the Group Chief Executive Officer (Group CEO) of Access Holdings Plc, Herbert Wigwe.

Recall that Herbert Wigwe died recently in America in a helicopter crash alongside his wife, son, and business partner. Wigwe has been a member of the RCCG, the City of David branch, and was said to be a very high financial contributor to the church.

Though this writer is not in any way supporting the seeming unbearable backlashes which the couples, who are no doubt clergies in the church, have been receiving from Netizens, and other critics, it is however expedient to remind them, in case they’ve never learnt from the bible that remembering the dead by setting certain activities aside reminds us that we too will die, so we must live in light of our impending death. As Ecclesiastes 7:2 says, “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.”

Besides expressing this view from a biblical perspective, it is germane to opine that different countries have different customs surrounding death. Many ways of mourning can be seen around the world. Right from the rural communities across Nigeria, whenever the death of anyone is announced, so much so that throughout the period of mourning, farming and market activities are first suspended by close relatives of the deceased, and consequently carried out in low keys as mark of respect for the dead.

Given the foregoing, it is expedient to peep into canonical history to understand how men of God were honorably mourned by the bereaved, particularly those that can be called their church members in those biblical days.

For instance, 70 days, including 40 days for embalming (Genesis 50:3), was used to mourn Jacob. In a similar vein, 30 days were used for both Aaron (Numbers 20:29) and Moses (Deuteronomy 34:8), a month for a captive woman mourning her parents (Deuteronomy 21:13), and “many days” when Jacob believed that Joseph was dead.

In fact, it may not be out of place to opine that it may be insensitivity or lack of understanding of the bible that spurred the Iluyomades to throw such a lavish party that was unarguably unhelpful and downright hurtful much of the time particularly as the helicopter crash took the lives of Wigwe, his wife and son.

The reason for the foregoing cannot be farfetched, particularly when analyzed from the fact that Siju Iluyomade is a lawyer, pastor and founder of the Arise Women Foundation and the Handmaidens Women in Leadership Series, who ought to have known better about the time to celebrate, and not hurt the collective sensibility of Nigerians that are mourning the death of the Wigwes and their friend.

To anyone that knows her background, it is not surprising that the celebration of her birthday on Sunday, February 18, 2024 was widely condemned.

It will be recalled in this context that Siju’s birthday was celebrated with funfair as distinguished guests, including billionaires and monarchs, were on hand to rejoice with her at the party, which took place at the Eko Hotels and Suites, Victoria Island Lagos. This is as tongues got wagging when a popular singer, Flavour N’abania, serenaded her with his hit songs, such as Ada Ada, Berna and Adamma, even as some Netizens questioned the presence of a secular singer at a party hosted by a pastor.

Without doubt, the birthday celebration was considered to be insensitive by not a few people as they expressed displeasure at the Pastor’s wife holding such a lavish party barely a month after the tragic deaths of a prominent member of the church.
Without turning this birthday issue to an over flogged horse, it is germane at this point to share the following famous passage from Ecclesiastes for every reader of this piece to ponder on.
Thus, Ecclesiastes 3.1-8 (KJV) says, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

“A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
“A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
“A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
“A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
“A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
“A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
“A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace”.

Given the foregoing, it is crystal clear that there is a time for everything, and that that birthday celebration was ill-timed. To not a few critics, the birthday ought to have been celebrated within the church premises, with prayers, thanksgiving and in low key since it seemed difficult for the celebrant to forego.

Without a doubt, that 60th birthday was insensitive and ill-timed.