The Unnecessary Quest For A Male Child -By Chukwuemeka Onyenezi

The quest to have a male child has been a dominant phenomenon in many parts of Nigeria especially among the Igbos. Reasons leading to this quest for males has pointed to the tradition of having an heir to continue the family lineage. Reasons for this also point to gender roles ascribed to males and females in our society; Males are revered and females are regarded as less important. Because of the high value we have for the male child, not having one is not up for an argument in many families. We believe so much in tradition, we are born out of tradition and we live in tradition. Many people clamor for tradition, not knowing how and why the tradition they clamour for came to be. All the traditions we have today which was passed on from our ancestors were created for a reason; reasons to suit their life at that time. Traditions were wisely created then given the factors available during their time, some of those reasons have got no place in our society today, hence why some of those traditions should be phased-out.

People say it’s our tradition to have male children who will carry on the family name, but it’s important to know the rationale behind this tradition. A wise man once told me and I have come to understand that (as the Igbo history may have it) in the days of our ancestors, it was necessary to have a son who will carry on your name because history was not written anywhere, so men strived to have their names and deeds not forgotten so easily, so they had a male child or male children who will continue to bear their name and serve as a reminder to the society that they once walked the earth. Having a male child was a way to crown ones greatness then, because it was the safest way to have their names remembered in the future. In those days being great was a waste of earthly effort if you had no son to bear your name and remind the future of your history; hence, keeping the family history was also a reason to have a male child, since a female child could not serve this purpose because of the role ascribed to women. Another reason to have a male child for our ancestors was to continue the family tree. But today we have evolved as a people, we read and we write, and history doesn’t need to be transferred orally anymore; everything is written and documented. Most great men and national heroes have their names recited in schools these days and it is not because they had sons. My point is, our historical and cultural reasons for having male children have no place in this century, so then why do we still go long miles in search of a male child when it fails to come.

Today, Women take their lives to the edge bearing scores of children in search for a male sex. A family would comfortably not have a girl child and be happy. But a family without a male child in most cases appear bereaved; sadness fills their home that even the wall geckos get a taste of it. And if Peradventure a male child finally comes, he is treated like a king, raised to see himself as a superior being over any woman; hence he is referred to as an “only son” with reverence.  And because he is raised with so much value and feels the female sex is inferior to him, he seeks to have a male child of his own someday, and subjects his wife to a premenopausal lifetime of bearing children if a male child fails to come (this applies to most men not just ‘only sons’ as our society has it).

Many reasons are behind the clamor for a male child, some cultural, historical, personal reasons etc. All I see in all these reasons is selfishness. In this time and modern age many men still believe that having a male child is what makes them ‘true men’. Families still believe that a man without a son is yet to live up to his purpose as a man. Because in this part of the world (especially among the Igbos) getting a male child is top of every family list for every marriage, you see marriages in crisis when a male child fails to come; and the wife is blamed for this. And where the woman cannot stand to make decisions about her life, you see her going from one missionary journey to another in search of a male child. I will say it takes a ‘true man’ to stand off the pressure of having a male child.

Women practically become veterans in child bearing in the quest to get a male child, without even considering the economic implications of having too many children. If you have let’s say four girls and finally get a boy, how does having that boy as a fifth child help you have a better life? There are families whose income cannot can only accommodate 2 children, but they have four because they were looking for a male child. The girl child is so much neglected because of our reverence for the boy child. I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a relationship between Nigeria’s overpopulation and the quest for male children. I don’t fail to ask myself if girls born out of ‘mistake’ are loved by their parents. The way we seek for male children, I begin to wonder if they come out with gold bars from the womb. Families set their goal on having a male child and end up having more children than they can ever take care of; bringing children into this world to suffer, especially neglecting their female children who are exposed to all sorts of harm and abuse. Men try to be ‘real men’ without considering the women they pledged their love to, forgetting that every pregnancy poses a risk to the life of the woman given our poor health care system. If you are a woman reading this and your husband says he loves, but leads you on the endless path of child bearing in the quest for a male child, then he doesn’t truly love you, he is selfish.

You don’t need a son to be a ‘real man’, God has created you with a manhood, which is enough to differentiate you from a woman. We believe male children are meant to carry on the family name, but only greatness can truly carry your name on. The need for a male child to carry the family name was only relevant in our history, times have changed. Die a great man and your name will have a part to play in history and the future will ever remember you. Great men are not remembered for the children they had, but for their contribution to humanity. Greatness is the only thing that has kept the names of Women and men after they have passed on in present times, not children. And greatness is not only when you become a Nelson Mandela who is known all over the world, when you change the life of one person you have achieved greatness. Be a hero to someone, that’s greatness. Before you state tradition or culture as a reason to have a male child today, please ask yourself the rationale behind this tradition and see if it fits in 2016. It’s okay to want a male child, but don’t let that quest lead you to more children than you can care for. The most important thing in having children is to love them, carter for them and give them the best in life. A girl or boy, a child is a child.