North’s demand for national confab -By Oduche Azih

It has been reported that prominent Northern leaders, on Tuesday, rejected the implementation of the 2014 report of the National Conference convoked by former President Goodluck Jonathan. They had claimed that it did not address the key issues affecting them. Really?

I begin to wonder whether the North was actually represented at that “discredited” conclave. I now recall that some delegates, especially the traditional rulers were busy arguing and protesting over the non-provision of allowances for their aides, drivers, horse-handlers and trumpeters. What a distraction! No wonder they did not know when important resolutions were passed.

The report continued:

“In its place, the northern leaders are asking President Muhammadu Buhari to convene a fresh conference that would take into cognisance the challenges facing them and proffer solutions to them.

“The northern leaders who are mostly former political office holders under the aegis of Northern Reawakening Forum and headed by a former member of the House of Representatives, Mohammed Kumalia, said:

… (that) It would be wrong for Buhari to implement the report of the conference called by the former leader!

And former military president Ibrahim Babangida routinely and glibly talks about settled issues. Is any issue ever settled in this land?

I must confess that the above proposal is a very good one. Furthermore, to make sure that the membership of the NRF and Arewa Consultative Forum feel comfortable and completely at home, the proposed brand new conference must take place in Daura, Sokoto or Maiduguri. The composition of the membership must be front loaded with the Arewa delegation having a two to one numerical advantage over the rest of the country. That will guarantee a 2/3 majority at the very first votes.

Finally, a bill must to be rushed through the current Eighth National Assembly requiring the implementation of the predetermined outcome of the new national (?) conference before the end of the first term of office of President Buhari. That is the only way to play safe. Otherwise, the next administration can willy-nilly jettison the brand new decisions that we are about to bulldoze through the proposed new conference. The enemy or the other side (take your pick) cannot be trusted not to spring the same surprise in the (likely) event that it does not like the outcome of this new conference. And so the merry go round continues! Please dear reader, take a brief time-out and pray for our grandchildren. They are in a serious soup.

While going through the above motions, the President may as well save us both the time and trouble by issuing a no-nonsense presidential directive expropriation the revenue from the oil resources of the South (meaning Niger Delta) for the long deferred development of the North. I am making all this addendum on the authority of Aliyu Gwarzo who had earlier clearly indicated some of the things the North wants or else!

To support the educational renaissance of a resurgent North, teachers would also need to be (forcefully) conscripted to take northern kids through their ABCs and beyond. Oh yes, I nearly missed this; renaissance and Reawakening actually mean the same thing. Welcome on board Mohammed Kumalia. Our people say that whenever one wakes up constitutes morning for him.

The North must be developed notwithstanding whose ox is gored.

The above is serious business. Did anyone hear me laughing?

• Oduche Azih, Okota, Lagos, oducheazih@gmail.com