National Issues
Oluwatoyin Salau’s death: A Consequence of Toxic Parenting -By Ginika Mbata
We see parents who either disbelieve or blame their children when they come out to say they’ve been abused. Some even go as far as punishing their children for getting themselves abused when they should be a pillar of support to them.
The family is the smallest unit of society whose role is to educate and protect its members so as to make them better individuals in the society.
That was not the case for Oluwatoyin Salau, the 19-year-old African-American activist who was found murdered on the 13th of June. Toyin as she was called, after protesting for the Black Lives Matter movement was looking for a place to stay when she was picked up by a man who later killed her.
It was discovered that Oluwatoyin had been sleeping in a church for some time. Why? Because she had been abused by her family members and even though she reported to her mother, the woman had not done anything about it, so she ran away. Sadly, Oluwatoyin’s death did not spark a huge outcry probably because she’d been killed by her fellow black (but that’s a topic for another day). This happened in the USA but you and I know that Oluwatoyin’s parents were Nigerians.
Nigerian parents are a Breed of their own and no matter which country they are living in, they still hold strong to the Nigerian Parenting ways. Nigerian parents believe in disciplining their wards so that they do not become wayward.
One of the ideologies that Nigerian parents hold on to is “spare the rod and spoil the child.” The average Nigerian parent is not hesitant to beat or flog his/her ward at the slightest misdeed. Even when the ward becomes an adult, the parent does not think twice before hitting him/her. Corporal punishment is also another alternative used to restore the ward’s brain to factory settings.
In the news, we see parents and guardians who cross the line, leaving the realm of discipline and entering that of brutality. We see children who bear heinous and angry scars, welts and bruises, the aftermath of “discipline”. Sometimes, these children bear these scars for life.
In other cases, most parents make it a taboo to talk about sex to their children. Sometimes, they tell them outrageous lies just to make them scared but are embarrassed to actually give them a detailed explanation ergo leaving the children discombobulated.
Also, most Nigerian parents do not apologize to their children. Whoever told them that it’s a sign of weakness to apologize to your children especially when you falsely blamed them for some offense? The child inevitably learns and grows up with the act of not offering apologies when he/she is wrong.
Then, we see parents who either disbelieve or blame their children when they come out to say they’ve been abused. Some even go as far as punishing their children for getting themselves abused when they should be a pillar of support to them.
Lastly, some Nigerian parents find it hard to appreciate their children and to say the words ‘I love you’ to them. Instead, they excel in comparing them to other children who are smarter or more brilliant. Sure, a little competition is healthy for everyone but know when to stop. Let it not be a daily occurrence.
I know that parents love their children and actually do these things to make them great in the future but they should be aware that some of these acts alienate their children from them. When children are emotionally and physically cut off from their parents, a lot of bad things could happen to them. Parents should be guided on how to parent to avoid losing their children.
But what would I know? I’m not a parent.
