Reflections On Backbiting -Isaac Asabor

Mr. X graduated from the university as a mass communicator for more than 5 years ago now but has not been fortunate enough to secure a gainful employment despite his good grade in second class upper and his successful completion of the mandatory one year national service as his reputation has been dented by backbiters before those who were willing to assist him find one. In a similar vein, Mr. Z. was optimistic that a young businessman that hailed from his village, and who is based in Lagos would assist him to grow his business; financially. But alas, despite the assurance given to him, he was disappointed when he met the business mogul who suddenly became unfriendly to him. With his volte face, anyone would imagine how a discussion of such mutual depth between two friends or rather kinsmen just became frozen.

The foregoing anecdotes abound in every life situation, and the ones mentioned in this context are just few cases that illustrate how far backstabbers can go in destroying people’s reputation before their helpers or would-be helpers, and thereby putting them into avoidable adversities, and worse still truncating the destinies of fellow human beings. The anecdotes graphically illustrate some of the miseries, among many, which backstabbers wickedly perpetrate against their friends and foes. When possessed, a backstabber is unsympathetic to those that are his or her friends, children, blood relations or enemies. A backstabber gives no one any benefit of sympathy when he or she embarks on the dastard activity of destroying people with his or her tongue.

Without any iota of exaggeration, not few of us are victims of backstabbing by those we erroneously call good friends that go about badmouthing us in a malicious way. If you think backstabbing is a minor issue, it is not as it has never being innocuous. In fact, it is an everyday gossip that consists of vindictive statements that cast doubt on anyone’s character.

When anyone hears how destructive backstabbers go, he or she will be furious of course, and will be compelled to ask, “What kind of “friend” speaks of friends like this behind their backs? How about values of loyalty, trust, and respect? Have they been thrown out of the window?”

There is no denying the fact that whatever a backstabber said about anyone should be expeditiously corrected and explained to those that heard as sometimes the untruth conveyed by backstabbers those concern can balloon out of control as people add their own interpretations to events. Worse still, some people may make up stories to sow discord between you and your friend. Hence, you want to fact check the story first before jumping to conclusions.

As a writer and Journalist, I enjoy coming to grasp with different kinds of personalities. And one of the personalities I recently found tantalizing is that of the backstabber. To make this possible, I have to passionately search for the personality of a backstabber from more than a dozen of online psychological websites. Here are some insight into the Backstabber. Does this sound like anyone you know?

Backstabber’s will say the nicest things about you in your presence, only to turn around and tell others what a good-for-nothing, hopeless waste of space you are. They feel insecure, emotionally vulnerable, and angry with themselves and the world, so make up stories about others or exaggerate minor mistakes and weaknesses of people. They like to stir up conflict and drama, and enjoy seeing people going at each other’s’ throats. Often, these people leave their victims, so to say, astounded and confused when the victims realize what they are up to due to their stealth and subtlety. Unfortunately, Backstabber’s are everywhere. Here are ways in which you can spot one:

Some are overly friendly and can be full of flattery for no apparent reason. This is to win your trust and to disguise their unsavory motives. They can make a show about being friends with you, yet indulge in poisonous gossip about you. They almost always deny their role in spreading lies or starting untoward rumors about people. They are adept at making anyone, when confronted, feel like the guilty party.

In fact, nobody likes being bad-mouthed or being the unwitting target of someone’s aggressive actions or intentions. Hence, there’s hardly anything positive to say about backstabbers. It is what we can learn from them, however, that can be positive:

You soon learn that going behind someone’s back, even with the smallest thing, can make matters worse. You learn to keep away from overly friendly people, especially if you don’t know them well. You learn to empathize with people who gossip, rather than take their backstabbing personally.
Contrariwise, you want to avoid having anything to do with the backstabber because through vicious rumors and twisted truths they can damage anyone’s reputation and integrity. They have no problem in belittling you in your absence, making negative comments about your work while taking the credit for your ideas. Stirring up trouble among unsuspecting people is what they delight in and thus they are unlikely to stop their backstabbing behavior.

They pretend to look after your best interests, only to walk over you with disdain when you are not around. They are deeply unhappy, jealous, envious, and pathological.

You might have asked: “How do I deal with a Backstabber?” If possible, stay away from backstabbers. Otherwise, the following suggestions could help in dealing with them: As challenging at it might be, confront the backstabber when you have evidence that they have been saying negative things about you. If you don’t, they will delight in their triumph and continue with more of the same.

It’s not wise to want to backstab in return. You don’t want to become their enemy. Avoid getting drawn into private conversations with backstabbing individuals. They will use it as an opportunity to badmouth someone. Keep the conversation brief if you can’t avoid being alone with such a person.

Since you are reading this, you might have asked, “Am I a backstabber?” You know you are a backstabber when you habitually think negative thoughts about others and are always finding fault with someone.

In fact, at this juncture, it is expedient to say you are backbiter when you are always embittered because of others’ success. To tell you the truth, unhappiness with your life is so profound, and you hate it when others are joyful and successful. Badmouthing people is your main strategy for drawing attention to yourself. Spreading lies about others makes you feel good, and you use it to manipulate people. When you are fond of exhibiting these characteristics, you are no doubt a backbiter.