Simplifying The Equation; TP + H2O × 2 > 2K -By Abubakar Idris Misau

I, in this article, set out to simply the puzzling [especially to semi-urban, countryside-dwelling Nigerians and probably non-Nigerians] equation that reads: TP + H2O × 2 > 2K. This equation is, who knows, the trigger activating the cartridge of “urgent 2k” among lovers and family and friends. The said ammunition, I am told, is capable of destroying a 5-year-old relationship – details intentionally reserved.

However, starting by defining the equation variables, here we go: TP stands for local transport; + remains addition; H2O, as known, is water [for the equation though, sachet/bottle one is intended]; × symbolizes multiplication; as > and 2k represent greater than and two thousand Naira respectively. And, before I am asked, let the 2 between × and > be treated as, for it is, two. Should there still be unclarity, the equation simply says: paying NAPEP/OKADA/BIKE/TRICYCLE/[…call it what you want] and purchasing drinking water twice, in the present Nigeria, cost more than two thousand Naira. Credit to capitalism? I am not sure. What I don’t don’t know is that this oil-subsidyless ‘free market’ economy is indeed swe[a/e]ting an ordinary Nigerian!

Honestly, city life has never fail to intrigue me. What you buy in your village for a certain amount is such that is repacked and thrown at you for ten times the village price. I have an example: a 75cl-bottled-water was once presented to me for 1k. It was one-tenth the price only few kilometers away. [No name calling,] I have a friend who would have bought it at the expense of missing his next meal. In my case, don’t mind knowing how it ended.

Recently, we were having some casual talks with a comrade about how things are hard in the country when he said, “the decision to go out [of one’s house] is itself one thousand.” To make his point clearer, with nobody’s prompting, he qualified, “that’s for if one fasts!” He meant to exclude food in the expenses.

His submission took me back to five years ago. In 2019, I was an IT student in the southwest. Life was relatively easy that with twelve thousand Naira a colleague travelled Maiduguri to Lagos. However, I was to be tried one day; a bikeman I stopped insisted that I pay one thousand Naira for a ride from Awujale Market to Bisrod, Ijari. The distance between the two Ijebu-Ode locations is either 6.6km or 7.6km depending on which route is traced; Folagbade Street or Agbeba Road respectively. To not bother you with much unnecessary details, I ended up paying as much as two hundred Naira. That was exuberant. I would later be paying half that amount.

In any case, the point is, many factors are responsible for the hike in transport fare. Thus, while one thousand is such an understatement for some southern city dwellers as Lagosians, I believe it’s still a fair average in the core North.

However, with the successful elimination of the so-called economic middle-class, such that one is either rich or poor, a subject no longer open for debate, at least in Nigeria, ‘TP + H2O × 2 > 2K’ is a hell. For the truth for many people is, credit alert is now a rainfall in December. Money no dey! “Without hedging” to borrow from Chimamanda “or equivocation,” we do be right to say that at least two out of every three Nigerians are living in what the figurative Hausas would like to describe as ‘hannu baka hannu ƙwarya’.

At the risk of having myself misperceived as walking outside the writing scope, the idea of being either rich or poor reminds me of something I read in 2022. National Multidimensional Poverty Index (2022) report was released in September of that year. In the document’s forward, the then minister of state for budget and national planning said, “Nigeria is a rich country with a booming population of over 200 million people. While this richness is an advantage, the country’s human development has, however, been severely impacted by multidimensional poverty.” As could rightly be predicted, he was mocked. A Nigerian daily suggested that we assumed ourselves in a literature class and tell the figure of speech employed by the minister. “Was the minister trying out his oxymoron skills?” – Jemilat Nasiru of The Cable asked. I since subscribed to the idea of letting everyone answer that for themselves.

Quickly, lest I forget, I should emphasize that the above equation is not meant for general consumption. In fact, some Nigerians earn and spend at least higher than a million times more than others. It’s also factually true that the total wealth of the top richest 0.003% Nigerians is more than that of some 100 million people in the same country. However, as much as Nigeria is where we care about the most, it is worth noting that economic inequality is a universal issue. A simple Google search on what The Richest 1% have in comparison to the rest of us, on global scale, presents one with a great shock.

AFTERTHOUGHT: I don’t like it when people ask me for 2k and it turns out I no get! I equally don’t like it when I ask people for 2k, because I hardly get! What I like is when without asking I get or get and share with others who no get! Dear reader, if you are one of those who get …. And, [wo]man, when next [s]he ask for that “urgent 2k” please do not hesitate to send 10k so that they have something for a day or two. Because, 2k, if I must remind you, is never enough for a plate of rice and data subscription; in fact, 2k < TP + H2O × 2.

DISCLAIMER: There is no intention, whatsoever, to mock the Chairman, Secretary or anybody from the Nigerian Trekkers Association, known for short as [NTA] with the celebrated slogan of “E No Far”.

Abubakar Idris Misau, a graduate of Forestry and Wildlife from University of Maiduguri, writes from Yola, Nigeria. He can be reached via email at abubakaridrismisau@gmail.com or on phone through +2349030178211