The Nigerian Rice and the Digestion of Destiny -By Loretta Oduware Ogboro-Okor

The Nigerian Rice as with most things Nigerian, is vastly different from any other Rice on the planet. It is unique! It is not the same as the Rice in China or the Rice in Rwanda.  The Rice in the United Kingdom, Australia and Russia share no relationship with the Nigerian Rice even though they are all from the same genus Oryza. The Nigerian Rice is the only one from the family Poaceae that has a life of its own. It is a key player on the political horizon of our Nation. It is always alert, a game changer, vote inducer and civic right derailer. It has the special powers to sway elections in our country and has kept the governance of the Nigerian Nation in a state of coma for as far back as I can remember.

It is common news how in the past few weeks, a certain ‘spectacle wearing’ Nigerian Politician again employed the services of the all-potent Nigerian Rice ahead of 2023 Presidential elections. He has sent the Nigerian Rice ahead just like his “John the Baptist” to herald the good news of his coming. Interestingly, he has started the distribution of our good old Nigerian Oryza Sativa in the Northern end of our country that has an abundance of grains; something akin to taking ‘Coal to Newcastle’ in the United Kingdom or taking ‘Bronze art works to Igun Street in Benin City’, Nigeria.

With the Nigerian Rice, all things are possible once you are a politician and ruler (not a leader) in our beloved Country! I often ponder why we are yet to export our special brand of Nigerian Rice to politicians in other climes. Perhaps this was the missing link in Donald Trump’s campaign strategy – hence he lost. Or did Joe Biden get a secret stash of the Nigerian Rice? We can guess from whom he is most likely to have got this secret stash, can we not?  Once you unleash the Nigerian Rice, the electorate begin to reason with gusto using the newly found and activated organ of cerebration – their gastronomic apparatus.

Hold on a minute – maybe this Nigerian Rice only works on Nigerians…. could that be it? Would it not work its magic on voters in other countries? Furthermore, the Edo State September 2020 Gubernatorial Election was a litmus test of how this Nigerian Rice fails to exert its full potency and effects on Nigerians in Diaspora. If so, why? Little wonder then, that Diaspora voting is a thorn in the flesh of our Nigerian Rice Sharing political class.

When we eat this Rice, does it not get digested? Does it fix our schools? Does it fix our hospitals, farms, and roads? Does it build our human capital and institutions? Once we eat our share of the Nigerian Rice, what happens is that we swap our voters’ card for something which ends up in the toilet within a few hours. The annoying thing is that we do not even save this by-product of our Nigerian Rice. With our very own hands, we flush our Votes down the drainpipes or we convert it to manure for those of us that still enjoy the pit-latrines and defecation in the wilderness.

As I read of the recent circulation, this April, of the Nigerian Rice ahead of 2023, I could not help remembering the issues of the Nigerian Pigeons in January. It maybe because, Nigerian Rice is of the family of grains favoured by Nigerian Pigeons that my brain made a connection. You see, we need to subject all things Nigerian to rigorous randomised control studies so we can determine why they are distinctive.

When I first read in the media in January 2021 of how the Pigeons liberated on the Armed Forces Remembrance Day by the Nigerian number one citizen refused to fly, I paid no heed. Why should I bother? Even though we share two legs in common with them, I am not of the genus Avian. Then I saw in another news…the Pigeons from Imo State refused to fly too. At that point, I took notice! Do they have mobile phones and data? Did they have a virtual Nigerian Pigeons’ zoom caucus meeting and refuse to fly? What is happening in NijaPigeonville? Or was it because they feed on the Nigerian Rice that they too have refused to perform their civic duties to our war heroes and heroines?

So, I decided to go back and watch the videos. After all, ‘seeing they say is believing’. Then, I saw it; how the president tried to shoo the birds to defy gravity albeit for a moment in time. The Imo Governor on the other hand, repeatedly threw the birds up…they just were not interested. At that point, I asked myself, if I was one of those Pigeons, would I fly? My answer is NO!

Why should I fly? I have been in those cages, groomed and fattened on free food (our rent economy). Imagine the double whammy since the Nigerian Rice is part of my staple diet. How can I leave my comfort zone? …why do we think birds fly? To scout for food is one sure reason. To be free to exercise their Avian rights to fly is another reason. Unfortunately, if many of the Homosapiens in my Country eat the Country’s Rice and fail to cerebrate; if the Nigerian Rice distributors and consumers choose not to spread their wings and exercise their civic duties, then why should our pigeons be any different?

Moreover, why should I fly If I was a Nigerian Pigeon when there is the issue of Covid-19 ravaging the air. I have been in my bubble with ‘my homies’. I am not ready to mingle at all. We are maintaining social distancing from others not in our bubble.  Maybe unlike the human Nigerians, the Nigerian Pigeons can forfeit the parties and social gatherings.

Why should I fly? I hear gun shots that they tell me are from the insurgents. Boko Haram may mistake me for young girls and boys in schools. So as a Nigerian Pigeon, I rather stay in my cage. Why should I fly? When more gun shots grace my hearing like fireworks this time, from kidnappers. As a pigeon? Who will pay my ransom when I am abducted?

If you ask me, it is a mean venture for these people to expect me to fly when they have refused to lead by example. Many of them have never flown either in mind or ideas save for physically hopping onto waiting flying iron birds for medical and sundry vacations in other ‘developed’ countries. When will they or should it be when will we, ‘develop’ our Nigeria?

On behalf of the Nigerian Pigeons and most things Nigerian, I do apologise to you our heroes and heroines past! I apologise because this country you died for, is stagnated. She now has a destiny that is more or less frozen in time, and still where you left off because the greater majority of us, including our critical mass, are feeding our stomachs with the Nigerian Rice while we starve our brains and minds of the Nigerian Dream.

Loretta Oduware Ogboro-Okor is the Author of the book, My Father’s Daughter