Violence Against Women – A Global Problem in need of a Collective global solutions -By Jimi Bickersteth

A friend’s testimonial on her hubby’s birthday on a wet November morning to her hubby’s steadfastness, love, encouragement and support over the years was like a sweet smelling aroma to my consciousness. The title of their marital oddyssey would read like, “the journey, the destination and the company” and that would have aptly summarised and also describes this couple, and, in spite of myself, her statements moved me.

It was that her reaction that spontaneously prompted this reaction on violence against women. Coincidentally, November 25 is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. This day was recognised by the General Assembly of the United Nations in 1999 with a view to raising public awareness of violations of the rights of women. Why was this step deemed necessary?

In many cultures women are viewed and treated as inferior and as second-class citizens. Prejudices against them are deep-rooted. Gender-based violence in all its forms is an ongoing problem, even in the so-called developed world. According to former UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan, “violence against women is global in reach, and takes place in all societies and cultures. It affects women no matter what their race, ethnicity, social origin, birth or other status may be.

Radhika Coomaraswamy, former UN Special Rapporteur of the Commission on Human Rights on violence against women, says that for the vast majority of women, violence against women is “a taboo issue, invisible in society and a shameful fact of life.” Statistics issued by a victimology institution in Holland indicate that 23 percent of women in one South American country, or about 1 in 4, suffer some form of domestic violence. Likewise, the Council of Europea estimates that 1 in 4 European women suffers domestic violence during her lifetime. According to the British Home Office, in England and Wales in one recent year, an average of two women each week were killed by current or former partners.

The magazine India Today International reported that “for women across India, (and easily for most parts of Africa) fear is a common and constant companion and rape is the stranger they may have to confront at every corner, on any road, in any public space, at any hour.” Amnesty International describes violence against women and girls as today’s “most pervasive human rights challenge.”

Far from being biased against women or condoning chauvinistic attitudes toward them in any way, nowhere in the ancient Mediterranean or Near East were women accorded the freedom that they enjoy in modern Western society. The general pattern was one of subordination of women to men, just as slaves were subordinate to the free, and young to old. In most parts of the societies, male children were more highly esteemed than female, and baby girls were sometimes left to die by exposure.” A prevailing attitude toward females in ancient times.

In many cases, they were put on the same or slightly higher level as slaves, and customs reflected this attitude. The Scriptures, written at a time when customs reflected this attitude. Even so, divine law as expressed in the Bible showed high regard for women, which was in marked contrast with the attitudes of many ancient cultures. An appropriate view of a capable wife is presented by the ancient writer of the Proverbs. Though without taking into accounts certain human limitations, particularly, in the areas of finance, convenience, contentment and other wherewithal.

In many lands wedding ceremonies traditionally include the exchanging of vows in which the bride promises to obey her husband. Still, in the largest human enterprise on earth, many of the key participants, women, chafe at the idea of male headship in marriage, and surreptitiously invite conflicts and veritable avenue for the quandary Man to asserting his authority. Thus, through the women’s lib and such like advocacies, women were seeking to making a struggle and mincemeat of what was otherwise to be a balanced and practical process in the world order and in the scheme of things. The end result was always woes, chaos and misunderstanding, beating and more beating, and with the man physically stronger, you can imagine the gravity of the bashing and battering that often ensue.

The scriptures precepts and recommendation for the marriage enterprise sanctity sounds sancrosanct, that if adhered to was expected to lead to a state of immense joy, tranquility and satisfaction for both marrying partners. Albeit, was not providing building blocks for peace and joy to many. The precepts were quite simple in its framing. Found in Ephesians 5:22-24: “Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord,… In fact, in balancing the relationship, a husband’s authority is limited by his own subjection to God and Christ.

He is not empowered to compromise the wife’s own trained conscience. Within these limitations, however, God, the founder of the grand institute and idea has assigned the husband the responsibility of making important decisions for the family. In fact, with conflicts in view, the husband is commended to exercise his headship unselfishly, putting his wife’s benefit ahead of his own.

A husband who follows the supreme dictates and examples of love rejects a self centred exercise of headship. Even as he dwell with his wife “according to knowledge.” This involves more than a mere superficial awareness of the physical and emotional differences between men and women. He should gain an understanding of his wife’s needs.

Here, let’s set some ground rules. Now, as a partner, and a willing one at that, does her subjection as a wife require her to be completely passive and an active olúndù, (olúndù being a Yoruba word for a dummy); merely living in her husband’s shadow rather than a husband’s partner, holding a place of honour. No! As his partner and councillor, she is expected to provide valuable input concerning family decisions and is given a measure of authority in the family, often managing many household and even some financial matters. Of course, as the family head, the husband is responsible for making final decisions.

In any case, since the beautiful description of the role and the status of a wife, was included in the scriptures we can be sure that the creator of heaven and earth approves of it. Far from being oppressed or being viewed as inferior, such a woman is appreciated, respected, and trusted. Wife was explicitly and implicitly implied, not a woman was included in the scripture, not this young frolicking souls you find on the streets pitifully living like orphans left to chart an unknown world, and with one lewd music flowing and following the other.

The abuses and violence on women should be viewed holistically, from the thinking and perspectives of the depraved and pedophiles, silly men that were caught in the sensual and avoidable trap of a girls torso and innocent look. Most times when the word R-A-P-E is screamed, I looked at the girls involved and felt sorry for them from the depth of my heart. Beautifully built girls, adrift, and struggling to survive as so many kids, but who entered a stream that they could not navigate. What had they to offer? Nothing anyone wanted except that beautifully built bodies and their willingness to drop on their backs on a bed, thereby creating problems for self and society.

It never crossed their young, stupid-minds to take to their heels, that the years move on and they would become less and less attractive. Men hunted for the young. Right now, with all the assurance these young bodies gave them, they couldn’t imagine that the time would come when some other girls, struggling to survive, would push them down the lust-queue to the waiting perverts and the drunks who would grab the backside of anyone in the shape of a woman. This ad-libbed side issues, although important, and its what society should work upon. Those girls under the influence and lure of money meant nothing to the men who more often than not are under the influence of alcohol, both of whom were lacking in morals exemplars and discipline, rape under such conditions is neither here nor there.

The echoes and memory of my wedding day some 37 years ago came to my mind, the good priest who married my wife and I drawing a comparison between the little boat in which we were to set forth on our honeymoon and marriage itself. “You will embark,” he said, “on a fair sea, and at times there will be fair weather, but not always. You will meet storms and overcome them. You will take it in turns to steer your boat through fair weather and foul. Those admonitions and sentiments still hold true today.

The “capable wife” of Proverbs chapter 31 is a vigorous and industrious worker. She works hard at what is “the delight of her hands” (not what is in between her thighs) and engages in trade and even real estate transactions. She see a field and proceeds to buy it. She makes undergarments and sells them. She is vigorous in her strength and activity. Moreover, her words of wisdom and her loving-kindness are greatly appreciated. As a result, she is highly esteemed by her husband, by her sons and, most important, by the creator. Such women hardly fall into the category of violated women.

Even at that, the world had become increasingly aware that men and women occupied two radically different worlds. The separation was constant, universal and severely enforced. However, the modern women are not to be the oppressed victims of men who take advantage of them, mistreat them, or subject them to any dehumanising treatment whatsoever.

The plots of the romantic films that should emerge out of any wedding should pretty much be the same around the globe, but to me what has emerged in recent years were a mirror of life as it should not be — a lovely girl met a self-assured young man, who courted her and lure her happiness ever after, only to welcome and hug violence and abuses. Thinking of the world, its pipe dreams, but life must be made, sometimes, of pipe dreams… how else can anyone survive in this world of violence and madness. Violence and madness that have meanings a whole chain of language schools couldn’t change.

Stress experienced by a pregnant woman as a result of arguments with or violence by a partner can adversely affect her unborn child’s mental development. If the woman had a partner who was emotionally cruel to her while she was pregnant it had a really significant effect on her baby’s future development. A recent research have found that, the father has a big role to play as the state of the parents’ relationship affects the hormonal and chemical balance in the mother’s body, which in turn affects the development of the child’s brain.

Building the next generation is to equip them to respond to the ugly challenges and spousal assaults and battery of the moment whilst taking a wide range of challenges in protecting the civic space, gender justice and proper education even as it supports the populace’s developing creative solutions with bouquets and wisecracks.

Marriage have no exit door. It is not like a spider spinning a web and having creatures caught in the web, (creatures in the imagination of a writer and they have no substance, no reality), but marriage should be a fusion of reality and fantasy of a relationship of two imperfect elements, both of whom do not know what lay in stock, just that both should make the best of whatever came out of the pandora box in a generation that has been brought up on the principles of “nothing but the best.”

Like a running torch applied to tinder, violence on partners had engulfed the world. Young women and men had been struck down, loyalties had faltered, relationships have been strained. The whole world, from the Arctic to the Southern Pacific to the bight of Benin, had learned to fear, to suspect, and to hate to love. Series of anguish had trespassed on human hope of exquisite joy in relationships.

Today, the world must rise up to the ocassion and say-no-to-rape and other spousal abuse and assaults. It must not flag or fail. It must go on to the very end.

We shall NEVER surrender.

#Jimi Bickersteth
Jimi Bickersteth is a blogger and writer.
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