Why Nigerians Stay In Abusive Relationship -By Rees Chikwendu

Decades of misrule by successive governments have battered the psyche of Nigerians making it very difficult for them to identify they are in an abusive relationship, therefore, they see no reason to break free. Most Nigerians feel worthless and think that there is no better alternative for themselves. It has become very difficult for them to break up or escape the cycle of control in the hands of the abuser – their political and religious leaders. Seriously wounded in mind and spirit, Nigerians have come to normalize everything about this unhealthy relationship. Sometimes, they blame themselves for the behaviors of the abusers instead of seeking escape.

Truly, Nigerians now live the words of Samuel Johnson:

                                                                                “To do nothing is in every man’s power.”

But why have they chosen to do nothing but stay in an unhealthy relationship? The first explanation is found in the rational decision making of Nigerians. The wounded psychology of Nigerians is now addicted to an abusive relationship, and their decision making is a back and forth process – bonded to the trauma of the abusive relationship. Nigerians never want to let go of the recycling of the old, that is why every four years, they return to the same abusive spot – electing the same beasts of politicians who have mercilessly battered them. The punishment is the drug they can’t resist, and they would choose anyone with the best crack – for example, a Goodluck Jonathan to a Muhammadu Buhari.

Because Nigerians always weigh loss heavier than the gains, the second explanation is a cognitive misperception problem in their decision making. So in monetary consequences, they think it costs more to leave their abuser than finding a better person who would love them better. That is why they have disproportionate preferences for corrupt, incompetent, vitriolic and dictatorial monsters as leaders to anyone who can offer them better governance. This behavior is called loss aversion in cognitive psychology and decision theory. In other words, they would prefer to retain things as they are and not opt for a better alternative. Not surprisingly, words like restructuring, regional government, state police, a constitutional referendum, etc., trigger their status quo bias and frame the risks higher than the potential gains.

A third explanation is that Nigeria is buried in sunk costs – one incurred to maintain the fraud it calls a country but actually British business entity and the Fulani playground. Nigeria’s past, present, and the foreseeable future is socially engineered with lies and retrogression, and those responsible have invested heavily in its failure, so redressing it is not an option, but to retain the status quo. All policy decisions are anchored on the commitment to the first lies not on incremental benefits. Sequential decisions motivation is based on the continuance of the lies it created. So if those who have invested in the Nigerian fraud would choose between obvious benefits and keeping the country the way it is now, their preference would be largely for the consistency of the status quo, and that is a reason why the country will never progress unless a powerful ‘third force’ is introduced. Recently, Nnamdi Kanu was close to that powerful third force, but Nigerians rejected him as a helpline.

Just like someone in an abusive relationship, Nigerians are psychologically committed to maintaining the fraud or at least consistency in their current state of affairs. As people raised in an abusive environment, they are psychologically damaged, so in the domain of their personal choice, they’d always prefer the pain of the current punishment than to escape. How could you blame them? They are just victims. Throw them a helpline they’d still choose the abuser. Poor people!

I think Nigerians are one of most people to be pitied most on earth today, and sometimes, I sincerely feel sorry for them because they keep believing that things might change in their contraption if they stick it out. They possess now the mindset of ride-or-die. However, other times, this behavior irritates me and makes me feel they deserve their condition. They actually look happy in that mental and physical state. Maybe they don’t need any helpline after all. I think there is something sweet in their madness than sanity.

Maybe there is no hope for Nigeria after all.