Get Yourself A Car And Then Come Back For The Marriage (an advice to intending couples) -By Rev. Fr. Okolie Peter C.

Ndubuisi had just succeeded in securing a mouth watering job opportunity in Abuja where he stayed back after his compulsory National Youh Service Corps year. During his stay in the Ministry of Health in Abuja, he not only proved himself to be a young man of sterling qualities, a devoted Catholic and a pious Marian devotee but also an expert in the medical line. He would do overtime always yet get peanuts at the month end. He managed himself. He paid his house rent with the little he got from the Ministry where he served and also the little he received monthly from the Federal government, commonly called “ALLAWEE.”

Kamsi, a very pretty, tall but not-too-bright Lady was the beloved of Ndubuisis back in school. Ndubuisi loved Kamsi “to the moon and back.” He would spend the last penny on him just to ensure that Kamsi always had something to eat or dresses fine even when in school. Ndubuisi was really planning to settle down with Kamsi when they finally graduate from school. Kamsi was actually from a poor home and barely had money to pay for her tuition fees not to talk of House rent. On the other hand Ndibuisi was from an average home and was in addition, a hustler. He would feed himself and “the love of his life”, he would pay for his house rent and also pay for that of his seeming “heartrob.”

Despite the meager resources at the disposal of Nd during his service year, he managed to still foot the bills of Kamsi.

About 3 years later after Nd’s successful completion of the service year, he secured a job where he received very little but with the potency of getting to a high point over time. Nd felt it was time to start settling down and to get started with marriage rites of the woman of his dream. He invited, Kamsi over to his base and carefully spoke to her about his intention to go and meet their family and start the process of getting her hand in marriage. Kamsi was apparently excited. Outwardly she smiled but then deep within her, she was not ready to settle with the kind of Ndubuisi.

About 2 weeks after her departure from Ndubuisi’s house, she started withdrawing from Nd. She took Nd’s call sparingly and would always have reasons why she didn’t call back.

It was now time for Nd to come home and do the needful. She arranged with the girl and came home. The young Lady, Kamsi also informed her parents of Nd’s move. The parents were happy, since Kamsi had all these while told them so many good things about Nd.

But just along the line, something very funny happened. Barely 7 hours to the program, Kamsi sent Ndubuisi a message asking him to halt all preparations and not to come again because of a reason which according to her was bothering her and going against her decision in life. She told Nd, that they’ll have to meet the next day to discuss.

On that fateful day, Nd was on time to the venue of the meeting between the both of them. A little while, Kamsi also appeared. She apologized to Nd for the embarrassment and pleaded that he find a place in his heart to forgive her for being late and for what she about to tell him. She narrated to Nd what led her to that decision. According to Kamsi, her mother passed through alot moving out under the hot sun, carrying them and then sometimes she would even fall along the roadsides. She finally demanded that Nd should first of all get himself a good car before the Marriage as she won’t like to pass through the plight of travelling in public transports, tricycles, motorbikes or even walking with her baby.

Nd was greatly devastated. He looked at Kamsi with disappointment and never uttered a word for about 30 minutes. Kamsi kept on begging him to please double up his efforts at work and make more money to buy a car and then come back. Finally Nd said to her “It’s fine, I understand you so well. I will go back and hustle more, get myself a good car and then come back for your hand in marriage.” At this, Kamsi smiled and felt all was well. They both left and Nd went back to the city and continued his life, deleting all contacts with Kamsi. He blocked her in all his social media handles and even from connecting him directly on phone.

Unknown to Kamsi, another friend of Nd was pressurizing him to initiate a relationship with her. This was the appropriate time for Nd to give her a trial and he didn’t spare a thought in doing that. They got married. During the Wedding Ceremony, the Bride’s family presented the new couple with a brand new 2014 Toyota Camry, a furnished apartment in a GRA and landed properties here and there. Kamsi only watched the program on TV.

Just like Kamsi, most young ladies today are caught in the web of materialism and thus remain single for long. Most of them look at promising young men with loathe simply because of the present. Certainly, we do not know the future but from what we see we can say something about where someone is driving at. Marriage and all that surround it is indeed complex.

Marriage should not be based on Sentiments. In other words, you do not need to settle down with someone out of pity. No. One day the pity will varnish and it will be too late to take a walk. It is also not advisable in marriage for one to be blind or unnecessarily materialistic. Materialism, pride, selfishness, aloofness, bias are like retinue that accompany a Marriage that is headed to doom. People have married truck pushers and they made it in life to greatness. There is no yardstick or mirror to tell you that a Venza owner today will remain a big man tomorrow. No. Rather, people’s disposition, ideas, compositions, comportment and so on can point to where their ship is sailing towards. Instead of demanding for a Car, a flamboyant house and so on, why not engage them in idea test, comportment test and others?

Sometimes, those who make much demands in marriage come with a luck that is not too favourable for the partner. Do not look for perfection in people, take people and help them achieve perfection. There is no perfect man or woman, pick one and together you’ll achieve perfection.

Most marriages crash today because of vague and very naive concept of marriage and what it entails. People go into marriages with the concept that it is a bird of Roses and when they find the opposite they get disappointed. Those who cannot handle will opt out of the marriage.

The essential properties of marriage are permanence (indissolubility) and unity (fidelity between one man and one woman). The essential elements of marriage are based on that to which marriage, by its very nature, is ordered. These are the well-being of the spouses and the procreation and upbringing of children. The permanence and fidelity of the marriage bond are necessary and serve the well-being of the spouses and the good of the children coming from their union. These elements and properties of marriage are called “essential” because they are of the very essence and being of marriage. They constitute what marriage actually is. There are many attempts these days to redefine marriage, or to leave out what is essential to marriage. But these things are essential to marriage, and this is an objective truth coming from the Creator that we have no power to change or redefine.

Sadly, we live in an age where people are no longer interested in these essences but in trivialities. That is exactly why I can also tell you in confidence that most Sacramental marriages today are putative and invalid. This is because while people chase shadows in marriage they exclude one or two of the essences of Marriage and this invalidate them unknowingly.

Marriage is to be nurtured. Just like a baby, the couple have to join hands in building a home. No man is perfect and no woman is perfect too. Marriage is just a meeting of two imperfect persons striving for perfection. Let us get it right once and for all. If you’re still at the level of materialism, if you’re still the type moved by cars, if you do not have the maturity to look beyound the now, then I’m sorry, you’re not yet ready for marriage.

I commit all couples, intending couples, troubled couples into the able hands of our Mother Mary. May our beloved mother intercede for them and intervene in their situations just like she did in John 2:1-11. Amen.