Buhari, 5 Hunters, Foresight And Hindsight -By Ishaq Usman

Muhammadu Buhari,an enigma. A man with polarising extremes of ideological postulations.There’s no in-between with him. You either love or hate him. Riding on the wings of social denudation in one hand and a corresponding resolve to end this, he was elected. Our choice obviously calibrated his antecedents and appending foresight. We thought he would do things and things wouldn’t be as they were. We however have grasped a sordid realisation that he is like a rabbit surrounded by dane gun wielding hunters, numbering about 5, ravenously oblivious of each other.

Hindsight. How has the journey been? Anything but smooth. I forget to add that we have a “National Assembly” christened hunter amongst them. Old, quick, wryly, greedy, masters of inner recesses of insalubrious conviviality. It was said that she planted hot coal on her lips to ensure her being in perpetual sickness just to prevent her sister from getting married before her! Her tale, as they, is akin to an experienced devil skilled in physical correctness and spiritual banality. “Buhari was smiling in his office and they C4s neatly wrapped outside” ..so they said.

A conglomerate of exacerbating inanity, one of these hunters was very close to the rabbit. They were saddled with the responsibility of drawing with a pencil but they thought it wise to use the nozzle of a gun!. “Buhari Media Team” was what they were called. Being a 3 man team, Buhari was born on Blank day, Media was born on Monday, Team was born on Tuesday. This should explain why their first decisions are often times blank!

The rabbit was made president to every strand of grass in the jungle. He was answerable to all. Buhari Media Team however, wanting to score a political point, told him to “wear a speech” made of lemon grass!…Forgive me I’ve heard of elephant grass and a host of others! And when it comes to weights, elephants crushes lemons but what do I know? As usual, Buhari Media Team used their option of first refusal….blank! He fell ill and almost every time a signboard was to be erected in his name, Buhari Media Team uses toothbrush instead of paintbrush!

Being a lemon grass, watching this from a far made me sad. I took a thread from me and began chanting the following:

“you’re an honorable man.We’ve seen what a
healthy you can do. Don’ t be a pawn in the
hands of these hunters.You’ve awakened a
brand of righteousness that’ll take impossible
to quench. We pray God takes this burden
away from you but if this burden is too much,
kindly put it down.History will pause whenever
your name is mentioned. God will see your intention
and give your aims and goals HIS attention. Buhari Media Team,
your brothers ,will take correction. National
Assembly will face continuous damnation unless
she sits up and face the right direction.When she
does,remove the guns from the guys of the hunting
profession and the grass republic will witness
unmitigated progression.”

After this, I launched the thread into air. Satisfied that I’ve done my bit but a bit worried that Buhari Media Team will see it and use their option of first refusal….still.