Ondo Elections, PDP and the Tragedy of Mofetoism -By Simbo Olorunfemi

“Know who you’re dealing with – Do not offend the wrong person” – Robert Greene

The Peoples Democratic Party is at it again. The PDP is desirous of dispersing upon the land fruits harvested from the many trees of affliction in its backyard. One would think that a party which lays some ridiculous claim to being the largest party in Africa and made public its boastful intention to rule for all of 60 years, only to be booted out of power in such a manner, will embrace sobriety and engage in some form of deep introspection. Not the PDP. Rather, the party has been going from one rapturous round of crisis to another on a journey towards implosion. It seems to be a mission that it must execute for the sake of its inglorious past. We can only wish the party well on its journey.

But that must be the least of the party’s problems. The principal one seems to be its self-righteous obsession with blaming everyone, but itself, for its misfortune. It will put fire to its own hut and run out screaming the name of another party, the media or judiciary as the instigator of the fire. It will even go to the length of accusing a President Barack Obama of a hand in a failure whose seed it planted and watered with sixteen years of impunity. That is the Peoples Democratic Party.

Not too sure if Governors Wike, Fayose, Mimiko and other PDP leaders who brought in Ali Modu Sheriff in as the Party Chairman, through some shrewd calculations and alleged subterfuge, have read ‘The 48 Laws of Power’. If they have, they must have forgotten Law 19 in electing to turn their backs on the man they brought in through the window. In an advisory, seemingly issued with the PDP Leaders in mind, Robert Greene cautions that “there are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmanoeuvre some people and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge. They are wolves in lambs’ clothing. Choose your victims and opponents carefully, then – never offend or deceive the wrong person.”

By now, it must be clear to the PDP leaders, even as they refuse to admit it, that in Ali Modu Sheriff, they picked on the wrong person to offend. When the man told them, through one of his surrogates, that you cannot remove a man’s trousers in the market and seek to replace it in the room, they probably did not understand his point. The man has become such a tricky bone in their throat, playing tricks with their mind that it is unsure, even now, if the decision of the Court of Appeal overturning Justice Okon-Abang’s decision will be the end of the matter with Sheriff.

Over time, we have struggled with the right diagnosis of the problem with the PDP. But with the generous help of MRI and CT scan of the self-inflicted crisis of the party in the Ondo election, we finally have hope that we might be heading in the right direction, especially with the tell-tale signs and symptoms that can be seen. From the preliminary report before us, it would seem that the PDP is afflicted with a chronic form of what is known as ‘Mofetoism’.

It is important to understand what this is. Mofetoism is an overwhelming desire to engage in acts that might be unsafe, personally injurious, riotous or indecorous, even at the risk of breaking the law and putting others at risk before the law, while inebriated. The immediate give-away symptoms include refusal to take responsibility for one’s action, shifting blame to others, throwing tantrum, issuing threats, generally being unruly, insisting on having one’s way at all cost, irrespective of what the consequences might be for the person and others around him.

Mofetoism, in different forms, is increasingly becoming rampant in many parts of the world. People are opting for that which might not necessarily be in their own interest, defying formidable odds in the process. The increasing embrace of ultra-nationalism and rise in the power base of far-right extremists has been cited as proof that Mofetoism is not another African disease. BREXIT has been cited as one manifestation of an indication of Mofetoism in Britain. The recent victory by Donald Trump is being studied by some scientists for signs of Mofetoism. The most unnerving aspect of the disease is the tendency on the part of the victim to trigger crisis that might go far beyond the immediate environment where the match is struck.

The symptoms of Mofetoism are with us in Nigeria, every day. Some say ours is chronic, but there is no firm agreement on that. There is the compulsion to engage in selfish acts that put others at risk – reckless driving on the road, cheating others, refusing to switch off the phone while in-flight, unruly behaviour in public places, messing up the environment, rigging the system, stealing public funds, corruption, etc. According to recent findings, all of these are manifestations of Mofetoism.

But it is the PDP that researchers are most worried about, as it does seem as if the party is battling with a chronic form of Mofetoism; possibly a terminal case. Drunk on some cheap Wadata brew, the party has been carrying on as if permanently drunk since 2015. It has insisted on acts injurious to itself and others, while blaming everyone for it. See the mess it has created for itself and everyone in Ondo state, yet it won’t even take responsibility for this. It is now asking that the elections be postponed by another two weeks over a needless crisis it foisted on itself.

The INEC plane is in full flight, other passengers have done their bit, already looking forward to the point of arrival. The seat-belt light is on, as the weather is stormy, as the pilot is doing his best to navigate at such altitude, thinking of even going higher, to avoid a crash. Now, the PDP is up on its feet, yelling at everyone and no-one – “Mo fe to! INEC, Mo fe to!”

This is a party that showed up at point of departure with two different passengers on a single ticket. Ibrahim was first let in and just at the point of take-off, Jegede shows up with a boarding pass for the same seat and Ibrahim had to be de-boarded. Now that the flight is winding down, PDP insists on taking everyone back, insisting on an emergency landing so that it can its new nappy can be properly fitted as what it has on is to the size of the first man that occupied its seat on-board. There is no regard for safety, no respect for the pilot, cabin crew and other passengers. Everyone has to pay the price for its own tardiness – that is the hallmark of Mofetoism, which made governance of Nigeria in the hands of the party a fiasco. Displaying that unruly sense of entitlement, party leaders are yelling – PDP! Mo fe to! Jegede has had the ticket for almost three months and has had ample time for preparation before Ibrahim showed up late last month. What if other passengers tow the same line as the PDP? I hope INEC does not indulge the PDP and abort this flight. The plane will soon land, the party will do well to approach the loo thereafter, to sort out its mess. PDP! Mo fe to!!

Postscript: In case you are reaching for your dictionary to confirm this definition of Mofetoism, you might not find it there, at this point. It is to Emeka Oparah that we give credit for his locus classicus on the subject of ‘Mo fe to’, delivered in London a few weeks back. Google might be of help for reference.

Mo fe to (I will like to urinate)

Simbo Olorunfemi works for Hoofbeatdotcom, a Nigerian Communications Consultancy. Twitter: @simboolorunfemi