The Erlking in Valentine, and the Net as the Genesis of the Global Social Breakdown – the Bridge to Possible -By Jimi Bickersteth

The starry heavens, merged with a majestic sea of beaches of Elegushi, the colourful coral reefs were teeming with life. Its like bathing in stars, and like children daubing sky blue circles with their fingers, mixing enthusiasm with age and almost losing one’s sense of idealism. The old saying you’re only young once, is true, but you can be immature for a life.

This valentine thing for this dignified but awkward crowd have become something of an enigma, an erlking (Erlking by definition is a spirit or personified natural power) that works mischief. In European folklore where the very Idea of valentine stemmed from, Erlking is a sinister elf like valentine, who lingers in the woods while valentine is lurked securedly in the youths minds for too long, and both, as one kills them by a single touch. Love, valentine, erlking – symbols of nature’s power but also transcends nature with their magical controls. In the euphoria of valentine, the sinister elf settles in. Thus, a situation my grandmother of blessed memory would refer to as, ìyà njẹ̀ ẹṣin, ẹ́lo mọ ijó’jó, the horse is suffering, you are saying it is a good dancer, ensues.

This 14th February celebration of love and affection, cards, flowers and or chocolates with messages and theme of love is associated with a tradition of courtly love bringing partners closer together, and its celebration, awkward though, has become an arcane, hollow ritual, poorly understood and wrongly celebrated in this clime.

This bubbling evening, the visitors who came thronging the lagoon to celebrate Valentine could see the luminescence of fish, and marvel at Lagos’s ecological status and aquatic splendour. Truly, Lagos is truly, a state of aquatic splendour. The trails of fish light up in the now darkening pool of waters like turquoise shooting stars. Bordering the beach is a stretch of unspoiled coastline.

The golden sheen of the receding sun in the Lagos horizon, the palms-fringed beaches and exuberant vegetation, the sea that stood vigil over the harbour and the surrounding glassy sands, oyster shells, all held little attention for me, I have my sights set on this generation of

free-spending people in their hundreds; the young, the not-so-young, some married, some mere boyfriends/girlfriends, practically surrounded by the sea, its headland or “prow” juts out defiantly into the Atlantic.

Love’s a desperate and twisting business. Its capable of turning a worm into a fine fellow – and it can bring a decent man down to the dregs. This expresses volumes of what the future portends for society, for the future of its youths. The more I get older and the more I see of people in these modes, the sorrier I get for everyone. A state that doesn’t last for very long, a natural part of Life.

This popcorn crowd – so full of life and so full of themselves. I remembered I was close to twenty eight before I tasted my first stick of cigarette (Galleon) from father’s pack, even then, secretly. Well! It was a story of “ikún j’ọ̀gẹ̀dẹ̀ ikún yọ̀, ikún ò mi pé oun tó npá ni ni”, smoking one’s life, health and vitality away. But this ones, boys and girls, drunk in the ocean of love and infatuation, blew the fumes high up to the sky and everywhere. I tried talking to one or two, I discovered that they had a closed mind, so to speak. And nothing dies quicker than a new idea in a closed mind.

A wrongly positioned mind is like a microscope that magnifies trifling things but can’t receive great ones. You’ll always be thrilled and think about what you are exposed to the most. And given the violence, lust, and greed portrayed by the media, it’s not surprising that crime, Mafia like cultism and cult following, immorality and social vices are on the rise, making governments around the world looking like they are incompetent and incapable.

In real life, you can’t just say, “I’m going to read this magazine, watch this programme, listen to this music, but it won’t affect me.” Social science now confirms what, the holy scriptures said all along – it does affect you! Where you go, what you read, ( or don’t read), what you watch, and the dreams you entertain, all, shape your mind. Read my lips, all – shape – your – mind, in a way nothing else does.

You see, we all need ‘good’ role models. But when you devote your life on wanting to be someone else other than what potentials and proclivities, capability and capacity in you, you’ll likely become like somebody else. This children have to remember that their heroes, friends and peers or acquaintances wrestle with blind spots and character flaws. Ọmọdé kì í mọ osún lọ̀, kó dún gbongbo yẹ̀kẹ̀tẹ̀, the Yorubas would say, its not easy getting to perfection.

Another person’s purpose, gifting, journey, and timeframe will be different from yours. For example, a friend starts a business and makes money, but when you quit your job and follow in his footsteps you go broke. You may be inspired and motivated by others successes, yes. Be hopeful of who and what you are, and not inordinately ambitious, without that you are nothing and have nothing to look forward to in your addiction and envy but a hole in the ground.

In a world where peer pressure feels as if it is crushing down on you at a million kilogrammes per square meter; where values are at an all-time low and immorality at an all-time high. Your life is racing by, and if you are not careful, one day you’ll up and your one short at life will have passed you by. If you want your life to matter, live it in such a way that the world will be glad you did. Change your way, your outlook, your thinking, and your confidence level.

The relaxed atmosphere of a Valentine night backed up with heavy metal music blaring at high decibels, smoking, drinking, sniffing, snuffing made up the convivial and jovial environment. The friendliness of the crowd was limitless and knows no borders, it painted a picture of a distressed nation and affluence and riches, an embarrassment of riches in the sun.

On the girders of the Ikoyi-Lekki Link bridge as I raced towards my waterfront abode, I shove the beach experience aside, and began to marinate on the issue of the nation’s other erlking, its effects and influence on its ‘Generation MySpace’ and the prevalence of a ‘Boomerang Generation’. The present threats that they constitute and contributes to the nation’s and the larger world’s safety, security and wellbeing. A generation that enjoys unprecedented technological, scientific and financial resources, and yet, debatable though, perhaps the first generation to take the world to the brink of social system breakdown.

This children may not be yours or my humble self, but they are someone’s and in need of some form of help. Why, you’ll ask, take this following lines and ponder over them.

Cybercrime: Increasingly the Internet is proving to be a dangerous place to visit. It is a haven for pedophiles, bullies, trolls and hackers. Identity theft is one of the fastest-growing crimes in the world.

The Internet provides another outlet for one of the worst traits of humankind–the capacity to be vicious and cruel. At any given moment, millions of the nation’s youths are online. Whether at home, at school, at a friend’s house, or – if they have Internet access on a handheld device or cellphone – almost anywhere.

If you are a parent and not familiar with the beach experience above and this “generation MySpace;” you are indeed faced with a sobering reality. Your children and wards are probably more comfortable in this new cyberworld nicknamed Yahoo Yahoo, Yahoo+ and the like than you are, and they may even know how to keep you in the dark about their online activities.

People – pressure run their life’s, friends, acquaintances, relatives, schedules, opportunities, other peoples opinions; coupled with the fact that, all the advantages of intellect and education and social class do not inoculate the teeming mass of young people against making bad decisions. And this is absolutely a cause for concern.

Is the situation hopeless? By no means. True, it may seem that when it comes to the Internet, your child is the native and you are the tourist – still you can learn the lay of the land. Without rules, there’s chaos. And men like children, hate chaos. The thing about rules: breaking them implies, knowing when to break them. The world today break ground rules with impunity, but you still have to try.

1) If giving children Internet access in the privacy of their bedroom – is not the final word in safety.

2) The Web has been exploited by all manner of unscrupulous individual. Many Web sites feature explicit s3x, and these are easy for the unwary to stumble upon. Chammath Palihapity, a former VP, User growth, said, while the social media is bringing the world together and expanding the bounds of civilization, “… app is ripping society apart.”

Some have innocently and unintentionally encountered pornography online – in most cases while doing homework. The Web also provides easy access to sites that promote teen gambling and its slightly high addictive nature. Then there are the so-called pro-ana Web sites that glorify the “anorectic lifestyle.” Many pro-ana sites and organizations claim that they do not promote anorexia. Some of these, however, present anorexia as a lifestyle choice rather than as a disorder. Forums on such sites provide information on how to conceal one’s actual body weight and how to hide irregular eating habits from parents.

3) Predators commonly frequent chatrooms hoping to lure a child, could be anybody’s, into an online or even a fall to fake s3xual encounter. A friend posed online as a 15 – year old. “Almost immediately,”  she was invited by someone into a private chatroom. She claimed she didn’t know how to get into it, and her helpful new friend ‘walked’ her through the process. Then he wanted to know if she wanted to have [online] s3x. A parent may see a web cam as an easy and inexpensive way for a child to communicate with friends, but a predator see it as an open window to a child’s bedroom and faculty.

4) Instant message conversations can be distracting if your child is supposed to be studying or engaging in another activity that requires concentration. In addition, how can you be sure with whom your son or daughter is communicating! After all, you cannot hear the conversation.

5) Online diaries, blogging gives one the opportunity to write about one’s thoughts, passions, and activities. A blog is open to the public. Some youths carelessly reveal information that can be used to identify their family, school, or home address.

6) Another factor: Blogs can harm reputations, including the blogger’s own. For instance, some employer’s consult an applicant’s blog when considering whether to hire the person. As Solomon recanted,  “a honeycomb, the lips of a strange woman keep dripping, and her palate smoother than oil. But the aftereffects from her is as bitter as wormwood.”

A social networking site is like an online party, some very scary people and character can show up. Furthermore, Internet friendship is superficial. On their Web pages, some youth accumulate a number of online contacts whom they have never met face to face, simply to appear popular to others who visit their site. It boils down to judging a person’s social stock value merely by how many other people like him or her. This ‘commodity’ trading style of relating reduces mine and your child to non-human entities and places an inordinate amount of pressure to represent themselves in whatever way will gain them more ‘friends’.

As a parent, which situation would make you more

nervous – knowing that your child had the keys to the family sedan or he or she had unrestricted access to the internet? Both activities involved a measure of danger, and both require

a level of responsibility. Parents cannot forever restrict their children from operating a vehicle, but they can make sure that their children are to drive safely. Parents should take a similar approach to the use of the Internet. Parents whose children have Internet access needs to have a basic understanding of how the Internet works and what their children are doing when instant messaging, browsing Web pages, or engaging in other online activities. Never conclude that you are too old or uneducated to learn. Keep up with the technology.

Internet Service Providers (ISP’s) and software programs may offer parental controls that act as “railings” to block inappropriate pop-ups and access to harmful sites. Some programs can even help prevent children from revealing personal information, such as their name or address. It should be realized, however, that such parental controls are not foolproof. Also, many older children who are computer literate learn how to bypass them. Decide when your child can use the Internet, the length of time they can be online, and the type of sites they can and cannot visit. Discuss your guidelines with your children, and make sure that they understand them.

Of course, you cannot monitor your children when they are outside the home. It is important, therefore, to instill proper values on the child so that they will make wise decisions when they are not in your presence, and in the police checkpoints harassing and intimidating your wards on their laptops and cell phones. Speak out clearly what the ground rules are and what the consequences will be if your rules and norms regarding the Internet are broken or violated. Then enforce those rules. Never lower the standard.

Monitor your children’s use of the Internet, and let them know that you will be doing so. This is not an invasion of privacy. Remember, the Internet is a public forum; and it is advisable for parents to maintain access to their wards online accounts and randomly check their e-mail and the websites that they have visited. Monitoring and tracking will go only so far. The values you inculcate and teach – and the example you set – will go much further in protecting your children.

Now the earth is made up of 7.5 billion people, but only half of the world has access to digital technology, and this half include the world’s youths and young adults. The world attempt is to bring digital to every person, home and organization for a fully connected, interactive and intelligent world, and it all came with some surreal quality, where dreams, ideas, images etc in their abstracts appearing distorted or mixed together in an odd way. Life today is not ‘the real life’ for millions of the youths and their parents, it is little more than existence – and is perilous at that. An open line of communication with your children is our best defense against dangers.

Protecting your children from online dangers take effort, and electronic access to media is constantly changing. Help your children. Our way of life has taken us to the depths of despair, helplessly going through a valley of deep shadow. Society’s fascination with celebrities has gone a little crazy. Millions idolize those who have achieved fame and fortune, yet stardom does not provide the satisfaction it advertises. We don’t know what people are struggling with in their closets. We give up so soon because: we see only their conduct. But, we don’t often, know the experiences they’ve gone through that may have made them what they are. Sometimes people act out of the pain of unhealed wounds and unresolved issues they carry inside them. Sometimes their anger and or displeasure is masking deep fear, of failure, insecurity et al. Other times, they, act like the dysfunctional parents who raised them, because those are the ‘tools’ they were given to work with; and as such, drown their brains in alcohol or weeds. And until someone shows them a new and better way to handle life, they’ll remain stuck.

You’d think the single greatest goal of parenting would be the promotion of a child’s moral development and are unable to connect with the kids emotionally. The reality is that many parents seem more concerned about academic and or material advancement – to be sure, schooling is important. But even the best secular education cannot help a person to combat wrong desires or bad inclinations: which has stressed homes, parents and society to some degree.

To our darling parents, concerned about theirs, their children and the world’s future should be aware of, let’s note that children aren’t bargaining chips to secure attention. Reasons like, “I agreed to have children because my partner wanted them”, or, ” I want someone to love me”, will be immensely immature, and at best, a recipe for disaster. You can’t exchange them, or return them, or divorce them when things don’t go well. Any cure to be effective must surely address the root causes of our troubles, not just the symptoms. The nation that has a failing economy, who once had normal lives. We did not dread armed robbery nor daredevil banditry. But now, across the length and breadth of the nation there no longer exists a peaceful town or village.

The world is today filled with complicated and self opinionated offsprings. Yet, the business of child bearing and ‘rearing’ is a lifetime commitment, and you must accept this reality without pretending otherwise. Don’t deceive yourself about parenthood, or think you’ll just “grow into it” after the baby arrives. You will be on call around the clock for life. You owe it to them, and to yourself, or sentence yourself to a lifetime of anguish and heartbreaking. Babies who have babies leave our communities on life support and our marriages on respirators.

The entire world is enveloped by permissiveness wholesale. Yet, the solution to the global social breakdown is not to moralise from on high an immoral society. When this children get into a situation that can hurt them, mortally, morally and psychologically, – get involved, get involved with some compassion, moral suasion and pacification, save them with fear by pulling them out of the fire. The Greek word for ‘save’ means to take immediate, decisive, and continuous action. Here the word ‘fear’ means ‘a strong dose of respect for something that’s life-threatening, dangerous, or alarming.’ And the phrase ‘pulling them out of the fire’ means you don’t have a moment to waste. The house is burning down and they’re asleep. Break down the door and drag them out if you have to, but save them. Don’t sit back and say it’s not my responsibility to go after those who take or chose go the wrong way. It is! This children must be saved from “Judas goat.”

I once saw a documentary film that featured a packing house where sheep were slaughtered. Huddled in pens were hundreds of nervous animals that seemed to sense danger. A gate was opened leading to a ramp and through a door to the right. In order to get the sheep to walk up to the ramp the workers used what is known as a “Judas goat.” This is the goat that had been brought up to lead the sheep into the slaughterhouse. The goat confidently walked to the bottom of the ramp and looked back. Then he took a few more steps and stopped again. The sheep looked at each other skittishly and began moving towards the ramp. Eventually they followed the confident goat to the top, where he went through another gate that closed behind him. This forced the sheep directly into the slaughterhouse… ” There is a striking similarity between the sheep following the Judas goat and teenagers and young adults who succumb to peer pressure. Those who are more confident and rebellious often led the timid into trouble, some inject themselves with heroin, “omi gutter” or get involved with cocaine, Benylin, Shusha, weeds, Morocco, others engaged in dangerous sexual practices.

When you ask parents about their future hopes for their kids, you’ll hear words like happy, secure, and self-confident. Those are wise and nice sentiments, but not guarantees. One’s views here, merely,  a placebo and do not deal with the real causes of dissent, is that this children need purpose, dignity and self-worth. It’s not enough to have the right answers, you need the right approach. Good ideas and sound advice are wasted when you use a ram – it – down – your – throat approach. You can often give your ideas in the words of Former US Senate chaplain Richard Halverson “to people as bullets or as seeds. You can shoot them or sow them. Ideas used as bullets kill inspiration and motivation. Ideas used as seeds take root, grow, and bear fruit in the life in which they are planted.

If you succeed in your career, but fail with your loved ones, your success is like chasing the wind, hollow and your regrets real. Are you living under a cloud of guilt, feeling like a failure because your child has gone astray? Don’t do it!

Sometimes children simply won’t listen to the counsel of their parents, they call it lectures. And if you did your best, don’t despair, the truth is that bad parents sometimes turn out good children and good parents, even pastors and Imams sometimes have children who go bad.

Ultimately, like Cain and Abel, we’re all as free moral-agents, given the power to chose. There comes a time when every child is no longer a child, and has to take responsibility for his or her actions. And if you’ve done your best as a parent, don’t let the Devil put a guilt trip on you. And if you think you’ve failed as a parent, it’s not an unpardonable sin. There is hope in your future, that your children shall come back to their own border,

regardless of what any rabble-rousing soothsayer have to say. Don’t give up on your children. Keep believing! Nothing fuels prayer like real need.

Parents be present. Aboyún kì í tọ̀ kọ́ mọ ínu ẹ b’ọlẹ, a wisecrack in Yoruba, literally saying, a pregnant woman will not urinate and experience a miscarriage. This youths, most of who were trying to escape from the boredom of childhood and were really not growing up. Let the young boys know that, there is no sacrifice and for making money. The secret of wealth and only sacrifice were and still are hardwork, prayers and more hardwork. The blood spilling, blood letting and killings for money ritual must stop.

The question for this children to settle is not what they would do if they had the means, time, influence, and educational advantages, but what they will do with the things they have right now. Look out if the front door of life, you’ll not see an highway of opportunities all the time, but one big briar patch, that’s what you are expected to work through and make it big. When you do what you have to do, when you have to do it, then you get to do what you want to do, when you want to do it. Grow up and try it today.

The government has to step in on issues of the child’s social welfare, and youth development. Evidences of the dangers and menace the nation’s youths have become as seen on this Valentine escapades was little short of sensational, and may not be conclusive, it may be intangible, vague and unsatisfactory, but, certainly, not a mare’s nest, and as sure as eggs is eggs! Anyhow, it shouldn’t puzzle the society. It should be examined – sifted all the same.

I’m of the opinion, in the teeth of everything, that, it would be left to the government to decide whether or no the damning inferences and factors constitutes an overwhelming proof of its apparent neglect of the youths. Nonetheless, under the prevailing circumstances, society was the most affected by this most revolting disregard and assaults on human life.

The nation must progress to preserve decencies and must take all contingencies to mind. The perfect solution must explain the outer facts and psychology of the inside so as to be able to land this youths to a cape of good hope. The government should by legislation ensure that children are brought up by the state and offered standardised disciplines. Tax the rich if it must. 

My mind flashed back to the stream of young men and women on the beach desperately, trying to unscrambled the eggs of their reality – in the crush, were lounging lazily and drunk with romantic feelings under the ball of mistletoe, bright trimmed with evergreen ribbons as ornaments. Violent coloured drinks laced with assorted substances drenched in ethanol. Most of them were moist with perspiration after gulping with distaste the drinks, hit no great shakes!

Happy Valentine! #JimiBickersteth

Jimi Bickersteth is a parent, super blogger and writer.

He can be reached on Twitter @bickerstethjimi

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Email: jimi.bickersteth@gmail.com

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